Forgiveness
Since my experiences with the holy spirit, I've experienced a certain type of peace I've never known.
As far as the sad periods, I seek God, I write and I roll. I also look around me and see that I am blessed. I look inside and know who I am. This sounds easy, but sometimes it is quite difficult. That gratitude exercise during the month of November 2007 was quite trying for me.
August 2004 when I was going through my divorce, things were all very difficult for me. My ex husband was making life miserable, but only because I let him. My sad time happened over the period of a week. For an entire week all I did was get up, get the boys to school, go to work as a zombie, come home as a zombie, make sure the boys ate, then go straight to the couch and CRY. I cried several hours everyday for a week! I cried myself to sleep every night. And, in front of my sons! They didn't know what was wrong with me. I am not sure if I would recommend this. Although they did witness this sadness, they also witnessed the recovery. So they learned that sad times don't last always. They've learned that we do overcome, grow, and change.
"Mom, why are you crying?" they asked over and over again. Poor babies, I couldn't even answer them. I pulled the covers over my head and I cried some more. I don't even know how they got to bed or where they slept because I was too busy crying. I did this everyday for a week mind you.
Then on the Friday of that week of crying, I was on the couch doing my thing, crying. As I cried, I thought about every bad thing every body I've ever encountered has done to me. Then I started thinking about all of the bad things I'd ever done in my life. All of this bad thinking could have led to more crying, but it didn't. My spirit woman wouldn't let it.
Immediately, I heard the Father say, "For mine own sake I have cast your sins into the sea of forgetfulness. Don't you know who you are?"
"Of course," was my answer. I knew who I was. I kept telling everybody I was a child of God. I knew I was made in His image. If I was made in His image, then I knew I was like Him and have qualities like him. If He cast my sins into the sea of forgetfulness for His sake, then I must cast my sins into the sea of forgetfulness for my own sake. I had to forgive myself for my own sanity and for my children's well being and care as well. I also had to do the same for people who have wronged me. Not for them, but for me. I forgave them and threw their sins out too.
Then I got up, read my Bible, took that Word and applied it to my life at that very moment. Once I learned my lesson that day, I told the boys, "come on, let's go". We got our stuff and got out of that house. Ever since, Fridays have been our days to go out do something. That Friday we went to the park, watched a movie and had a good ole time. We've been having our fun every Friday since that last Friday I cried on the couch.
Now I don't cry on the couch. It took me a long time to even get comfortable on that couch. As a matter of fact, I sold that couch February 2006. (that couch was evil)
Forgiveness is what got me out of that funk. Forgiveness is what keeps me going. Forgiveness is a key element in healing, so I hear.
I must make one aspect of forgiveness very clear. Forgiving a person does not mean you let that person wrong you over and over again. It just means, you don't let what that person did to you poison you and your life. Don't hold on to the act or wrongful deed, but also know who/what you're dealing with so you don't fall prey to the same things that harm again.
Dr. Laura has an excellent example of forgiveness that I prescribe to. She said, if you are in a pool with alligators or pirhanna and they bite and attack you, once you get out of the pool, you can forgive them. The key is not to get in the pool again. Just because you forgave the flesh eating creatures doesn't mean they are no longer flesh eating creatures and that makes it safe to swim with them again.
LESSON LEARNED: Forgiveness is all about the person doing the forgiving. It has little to do with the person being forgiven. Forgiveness is about self cleansing so that you can be the best you possible. The self cleansing of forgiveness contributes to making you a whole person.
Recommended Forgiveness Reading:
I'm bad like that.
