Monday, December 27, 2010

Happy Holidays Family

William didn't like this video, but Allan and I love it.  Enjoy Family.

Monday, December 6, 2010

I Forgot Because I Am FREE

sunshine2“I don’t remember the bad things like that.” 

I was talking to a childhood friend a while ago and we kind of catching up on what we’ve been doing and how we’ve been over the years.  We’ve seen each other over the years but not really had any deep conversations.  Our mothers have kept in touch and passed on bits and pieces of information, but you know how information passed on from mothers can be.

During one of our conversations this friend reminded me of something really cruel I had done back in middle school.  When he told me what I did I was appalled.  Really, I was shocked and somewhat disgusted.  I didn’t deny doing it but I do not remember doing it.  That incident is totally erased from my conscious memory.  Why?  Because I choose not to dwell on the past, especially the negativity of the past. 

During another different conversation, my friend told me they had some type of mental breakdown.  He was sure I had heard of it.  I told him I had not heard of it.  Looking back over time, my mom may have mentioned it to me but that is another incident I chose to let go of.  I have been practicing not judging myself and not judging others for any reason whatsoever.  Judgments require too much energy and are really pointless anyway.  When you spend too much time judging you lose some of your freedom.  I choose freedom and I love it.

I learned this from the following Related Bible Verses:

Micah 7:19 (Amplified Bible)

19He will again have compassion on us; He will subdue and tread underfoot our iniquities. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea.


Psalm 103:12 (Amplified Bible)

12As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.


Philippians 4:8 (King James Version)

8Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

I express appreciation to you for reading my blog from the infinite abundance that is my natural state, knowing that as I do so this expression will just expand and reflect back to me.


Sunday, November 28, 2010

November 28, 2010 Gratitude

Dear Blog,
It has been 6 days since my last post.  I am not proud of that but we will move on put all judgments aside.  In order to do what you want to do you must JUST Do IT.  Nike has that right.

This past week has been nice.  William and Allan spent Thanksgiving with their dad.  TJ came home.  Tariah spent the night with me one night.  The week was so nice in retrospect that I almost forgot Aunt Flow came to attempt to wreak havoc on my body and my mind.

We went to Jerrie's for Thanksgiving Day.  Thanksgiving evening I went around the corner to the twins house.  All in all it was nice, quiet and there was no drama.  Loved it.

I did NOT participate in Black Friday.  I never participate in Black Friday.  I listen to the horror stories of every body else's Black Friday escapades and I know Black Friday is not for me.  I love the deals you can find on Black Friday, but I am not so sure they are worth the hassle of fighting deal crazed shoppers over.  I can wait.  Besides I find all of my deals at and

How bout dem GAMECOCKS!?  They are ranked #10 this week.  GO GAMECOCKS.  Yep, they are going straight to the SEC Championship!  As I type this I am watching Fox NFL Sunday Pregame Show. I love me some Jimmy Johnson.  Nobody beats Jimmy Johnson.  Jimmy Johnson is Lead Dog this week.  He actually predicted that The Cowboys would beat The Giants.  How could he have known that?  Nobody with half a brain cell would have predicted that.  Not even Miss Cleo.  He just did a segment on The Cowboys beating The Giants recently.  If you missed it, I'll look it up for ya.

Every Sunday I watch CBS News Sunday Morning.  I love that show.  They did a vignette on Andy Borowitz this morning that really inspired me to blog EVERYDAY.  Not everyday for a month.  Not everyday for a week.  Not everyday for a year.  EVERYDAY.  Every day Andy writes a fake news story and publishes it.  He calls it The Borowitz Report.  I love that he puts that much effort into his work.  In addition he writes for The New Yorker magazine.  I can write everyday.  I cannot promise that everyday will be a quality post but I can post something everyday.  I'm writing now.  My regular readers know that this is not my best post, but it's something.

Today is Sunday, November 28, 2010 and I am thankful for:

  • CBS News Sunday Morning being such a great show.  I watch it faithfully EVERY Sunday morning.
  • A peaceful and loving Thanksgiving Holiday.Show all
  • Family that I love.
  • The fact that I am not pregnant.  I am way too old for young baby activities: changing diapers, midnight feedings, ear infections, spit up, breastfeeding, etc.
  • YouTube.  I use YouTube as a search engine.
  • Facebook.  I use Facebook as a news site.  I get most of my news from facebook.
  • My son all grown up.  He is doing his grown up thing and I am proud of him.
  • Quietness.  I love my alone quiet time.
  • Blog readers.  I love all yall.
This entry is my expression of appreciation to all that is in my life.  I express this Appreciation from the infinite abundance that is my natural state, knowing that as I do it, this expression will just expand and reflect right back to me.


Monday, November 22, 2010

WOW! Scattered Pamprin & Mid-day Naps!

chocolatewarningToday is just some random stuff I came across today that I thought would be useful to share.  They are scattered and in no particular order.

Thankful to Darren Tuff Love McDuffie for this quote, "Don't be afraid to take risks and live your dreams and always show gratitude. Don't put things off for a tomorrow that might not come."

“Exposure to new colors, different shapes, textures and designs gives you the power to ... find and refine your style.” ~~Michele Weston

What we resist persists. When we summon the courage to release that resistance, we find joy that endures not in spite of our sorrows, but paradoxically right along with them.

Keeping your guard up in a relationship is guaranteed to keep the love out, too.  "To end self-rejection, you have to learn to love in another what you hate in yourself"

"Self-love is born out of love of another."

Surrender your emotional dependency on your parents and their judgments.

Mature love, they write, comes when each person has grown with the other's help, and when both people know how to give and receive—"it's the lifetime achievement award."

Every day, or at the very least once or twice a week, take a few minutes and focus on seeing yourself in joy. Feel yourself in joy. Imagine only joy ahead in your life and see yourself basking in it. As you do this the Universe will move all people, circumstances, and events to bring you that joy. You can't be in joy if you have money worries, or health worries, or relationship problems with friends or family. So deposit some joy in the bank of the Universe as often as you can. There isn't an investment that is more worthwhile.

Dear Blog,

Please forgive me for posting such a scattered and unorganized entry.  I just posted my thoughts, and items I came across today as they came to me.  I’m thankful to be able to share and post.  Most of the above is from Oprah and The Secret and from within ME.

Today I am thankful for Pamprin and mid-day naps to alleviate the baggage Aunt Flow brought with her this month.  I hate baggage.

This entry is my expression of appreciation to all who read my entries and enjoy random naps as I do.  I express this Appreciation from the infinite abundance that is my natural state, knowing that as I do it, this expression will just expand and reflect right back to me.


Sunday, November 21, 2010

When A Parent Loves

As I was cleaning today, I was thinking about the mothers and fathers in my life who LOVE other people’s children.  All of those thoughts brought to mind R.Kelly’s latest hit When A Woman Loves.  If you listen closely it sounds as if he’s singing about his mother or a mother.  During my chores today my thoughts were more focused on when a parent loves.

When a parent loves, the world is loved.  When a parent loves, love is shared with all of us.  When a parent loves another person’s child, they are really loving ALL of our children.

  • I remember when TJ was younger and so many of his friends would come over for sleep overs, dinner, lunch, play dates, whatever, anything, time with our family.  Little did I know at the time that us taking in other children to spend some time with was soothing and helpful to their parents.  I’ve been told several times by several different parents that us having their child over was a blessing to them.  We were just loving our child and treating their children as our own.  We had no idea we were really blessing someone else.
  • When I was growing up my mom used to work in a daycare center.  EVERY day she would bring home “some stray child” whose parent was not able to pick them up before the center closed.  Although I was a bit selfish during my early teen years, having someone else’s child around really didn’t bother me.  My mother taught me how to love strangers and see past the exterior of people into their souls.  I am so grateful to her for that.  Thanks to my mother, I have several sisters and brothers that neither of my parents created biologically.  My sister Kathy LOVED having someone else’s child to watch over and love.  That was her thing, loving other people’s children.
  • Kathy loved other people’s children so much I believe they thought Kathy was their mother.  I remember when Kathy was just 19 or 20, she took in another woman’s baby as her own and practically raised her for years.  I am grateful to Kathy for that because did ALL of us a great service by showing love to a child who needed it.
  • Allan spent the weekend with one of his best friends this weekend.  When I went to take him to the meeting place, I realize that my good friend took on 6 children this weekend.  I thought it was just going to be her kids and Allan.  Don’t know why I thought that because every time I go over there, her oldest always has a friend or two hanging around.  Pele always loves our children as if they are her own.  I love her even more for that.  That’s the love of a mother she shows my children.  The love R.Kelly sings of in his hit When A Woman Loves.
  • When I was married, my husband had a great camaraderie with children in every neighborhood we lived in.  Before TJ was born, the neighborhood kids would come over and ask if Mr. Tony could come out and play.  He played football with them in our front yard.  When we moved back to Columbia, he played basketball and football with the neighborhood kids.  He always had their best interest at heart.  There was no malice towards them and he genuinely cared about them as if they were his own.  The love of a parent towards another person’s child is what he has always demonstrated.  Even after our divorce I can still see it.  My ex-husband was and still is a father figure to someone else’s children.  I appreciate that he does that.
  • My BFF has two daughters of her own.  Well, this weekend she had a total of 4 girls to care for.  One of them is an infant.  She enjoyed every moment of it.   She did it because the mother needed help.  Plain and simple.  She loved all of them as if they were her own too.  I am thankful she does that.
  • Jerrie has been taking care of my oldest granddaughter since she was born.  Jerrie has no grandchildren of her own, but she calls mine hers.  She’s a co-grandparent.  As a matter of fact, Ms T is at Jerrie’s right now giving her all of the love a grandchild gives.  I am thankful to Jerrie for the love she has given to my son, my daughter-in-law, and my grands.  Another example of when a parent loves another parent’s child as their own.

This entry is my expression of appreciation to all of the parents who love.  I express this Appreciation from the infinite abundance that is my natural state, knowing that as I do it, this expression will just expand and reflect right back to me.


Sunday, November 14, 2010

OMG! I Missed THREE Days!

So, I've been participating in NaBloPoMo 2010 and I missed Thursday, Friday, AND Saturday (Nov 11-13, 2010).  Today is Sunday, November 14, 2010 and I have so much to be thankful for:

  • Thankful that I didn't miss today.
  • Thankful that I missed 3 days because people in my life found me valuable enough to request my time and support.  So so so thankful that I could be of help to my special crew.
  • Appreciative to TWC for internet service here at home on my laptop.
  • Thankful to RCPL for allowing me to renew Busting Loose from The Business Game AGAIN.
  • Overjoyed I got to see Amira today.
  • Appreciative to City of Columbia for water to do laundry and to SCE&G for electricity.
I love yall....

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Today Was A Good Day

This song describes how I feel about today. Yes, Today Was A Good Day!
I am thankful for the following:

  • Home
  • Sanity
  • Car
  • Family
  • Love
  • My Dogs
  • My Friends
  • The dinner I personally made that almost killed me. Spaghetti, homemade meat sauce, Texas toast with Mozzarella cheese, white wine and ............. a Cinnabun from Cinnabun on Fort Jackson.  Yeah, I may die in my sleep tonight after all of that good stuff.
  • Nice quiet time with myself and a good book. What am I reading? Busting Loose From the Business Game by Robert Scheinfeld and The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
  • A post about loving women that was shared by my boy Ken. You can read it here. I highly recommend it!

Today was a good day.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

NaBloPoMo November 9, 2010

Long Day.  Got much done.  Sleepy Now.  Quick Post.  Thankful for the following:

  • appreciation for paying my car taxes
  • got new tag decals on my car
  • Starbucks Soy Caramel Macchiatto
  • Allan passing 4 & 5 multiplication tables this week
  • good friends like Jerrie Friday
  • being a mother and NOT a father (not that anything is wrong with being a father)
  • dinner bought, paid for, and cooked all by me
  • spoiled rotten puppies in Sable (7mo old German Shepherd) and Lobo (6mo old Siberian Husky)
  • me singing in the car.  Man I'm badd but I love singing in the car!  LOVE singing in the car!
  • I D E A S  -- luv em.....  got any good ones you wanna share....

Monday, November 8, 2010

Christmas For Halloween!

So today I am still thankful for the following post made on my cousin's facebook page on October 21:

Jennifer Manning so i went to a "friends"house and she said come in i want you to see something,when i walked in she had her christmas tree up(with lights)and she was very proud of her tree..please tell me WHO PUTS UP A XMAS TREE IN OCT..and the answer is the only IDIOT i know, Angela Manning i wont call your name but i will tell it,s.m.h

October 21 at 3:08pm ·  · 

I was even more thankful for the laughs when I found out that Angela dressed up as a Christmas Tree for Halloween.  She is so AWESOME.  I don't care what they say about Angela Manning.  I say Angela Manning is a stone cold genius.  Aunt Bit did right by that one.  Speaking of Christmas, have you started your shopping yet?

Other expressions of Appreciation:

  • Sunshine and Blue Skies - I love days like today
  • Conversations with Allan - He is really trying hard to leave his current school.  When he got in the car today, I asked him how was his day.  He replied, "Not so good.  I got a half straight face and half frowny face."    Me:  "Really? Why?"        Allan: "I was talking."        Me: "Why?"        Allan: "I was bored."         Me: "What were you talking about?"          Allan: "I don't remember.  More than half the people at my school are obese.  And we don't even get a full recess.  We may get 5 minutes if that."        Me: "Really?  Do you enjoy those 5 minutes?"            Allan: "No.  We are not allowed to run at recess.  AND we can't play tag!  Not even tag football."             Me: "NO TAG PLAYING ALLOWED!!  Now that is just wrong!  We need to do something about that.  Well, tell me something good about your school."                        Allan: "If my school were a high school there would be no teenage sex because all the girls are ugly."  After that I had to give up.  Allan did more talking and I mostly tuned him out because my song was on the CD player.  I heard some of what he said:  "blah blah blah no homework blah not playing blah blah"  I had my mommy filter on so I only heard what really mattered.  Don't judge me for that.  I know all you parents reading this have done that before.  HA.
  • Late night ice cream runs before President Blair Underwood comes on TV.
  • The fact that I signed up for NaBloPoMo 2010.  I have something to do before bed.
Good Night and Namaste

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Solid Old School Love

Today is Sunday, November 7, 2010 and I am still thankful, grateful, and appreciative of living life in a state of Pure Joy.

I was talking with one of my friends today while she was watching Madea's Family Reunion.  We then of course started talking about the beautiful eye candy in the movie:  Blair Underwood and Boris Kodjoe.  She informed me that Boris and his wife broke up.  I immediately thought how unfortunate because I love to see love work for people.

The conversation quickly moved to famous couples who either made love work or are making their love last.  I am so thankful for the following couples who have made it work and continue to be positive love influences for us all:

I'd like to express Appreciation to all of the above for keeping LOVE and Hope alive.  God Bless & Namaste.

Saturday, November 6, 2010

We Have Dragons!!


Today is Saturday, November 6, 2010 and I am thankful for:

  • My Own – So thankful I have my own house, my own car, my own peace of mind.  God Bless The Child That’s Got His Own.
  • Family Movie Night – We watched How To Train Your Dragon tonight.  I enjoyed it.
  • Peking Wok – Lemon Pepper Chicken and Shrimp Fried Rice for dinner.
  • Robert Englund – He’s a much better Freddy Krueger than Jackie Earle Haley.
  • Today right now.  Getting much better at Living In The Now.


God Bless and Don’t Digress…



Friday, November 5, 2010

Appreciation for November 5, 2010

Every November I usually post about gratitude, gratefulness, thankfulness and just plain old appreciation.

My goal for November 2010 was to post everyday. Well, I got side tracked until I saw a post on blogher about NaBloPoMo. It reminded me of my yearly November activities so I signed up and here I am.

Starting today I will be posting EVERYDAY this month.

Today is Friday, November 5, 2010 and I am most thankful for:

  • Paid bills - I have been collecting unemployment since April and God has made it possible for my mortgage and utilities to continue to be paid during this financial diet.
  • TJ - TJ finally got his own place and I am happy and appreciative for that.  I've been talking to him this week and he really wants me to come visit him when his dad goes this weekend.  The problem is that my car needs to be serviced and I'm not comfortable driving it that far until I can pay for the full servicing of my car.  Maybe his dad may get the appreciation bug and let me follow him in his car while he drives the u-Haul of furniture we are giving TJ.
  • Fresh Air - This change in the weather here in SC has the air very fresh and crisp.  I love that.  Thanks for the fresh air.
  • NaBloPoMo and BlogHer - Thanks for bringing it to my attention that I really should do this yet again.
  • My Mom - She has been my biggest supporter and fan.  I love Mom and I am so very thankful to have her in my life.
  • Music - love it!
  • Robert Scheinfeld - I read two of his books this month:  The 11th Element and Busting Loose From The Business Game.  The second book is by far one of the coolest books I have read in a very long time.  I appreciate what I have learned from both of these books thanks to Robert Scheinfeld.
  • My Dogs - They are such a pleasure.  I love walking them and I love seeing how much pleasure they get out of a simple walk.  Dogs are so simple.  I've lost 15 pounds since I got them because I have to walk them 2-3 times a day.  My German Shepherd and my Siberian Husky are the best!  So glad we took them to training too.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

More on Forgiveness

How to Forgive Yourself

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit

Forgiving yourself can be much harder than forgiving someone else. When you're carrying around a sense of blame for something that has happened in the past, this bundle of negativity burrowing deep into yourself can cause a never-ending, pervasive sense of unhappiness. Forgiving yourself is an important act of moving forward and releasing yourself from the past. It's also a way of protecting your health and general well-being. Here are some suggestions on how to forgive yourself.


  1. Understand the importance of forgiveness. Living in a state of being unable to forgive requires a lot of energy. You are constantly chewed up by fear of your vulnerability, burning with anger with the source of pain, and living with the constancy of sadness, hurt, and blame. This energy deserves to be put to better use, so that your creativity and abilities are fed, not your negativity. Forgiveness also allows you to live in the present instead of the past, which means that you can move into the future with a renewed sense of purpose focused on change, improvement, and building on experience rather than being held back by past hurts.
    • Some people are afraid to forgive themselves because they fear losing their sense of self that has been built on the back of anger, resentment, and vulnerability. In this case, ask yourself if that angry, easily hurt and reactive person is the identity you're keen to show the world and live with. Is the security of this mode of thinking worth the effort and harm it is causing you? It's better to have a small time of insecurity as you find your way again than to continue a lifetime bogged down in anger.
    • See forgiveness in a positive light. If you're bothered that forgiving suggests that you shouldn't experience strong feelings such as resentment and anger, try viewing it as the chance to feel strong positive feelings, such as joy, generosity, and faith in yourself. Switching it to thinking about what you'll gain rather than what you'll lose has the benefit of keeping you positive while minimizing the negative emotions.
  2. Take into account the challenges raised by not forgiving yourself. Not only do you allow yourself to remain stuck in the past, but not forgiving yourself takes a huge toll on your emotional and physical health. Inability to forgive is sourced from anger and resentment, two emotions that can wreak havoc with your health. Numerous studies have shown that people stuck in constant anger are more prone to disease and illness than people who can learn to forgive both themselves and others.[1]
    • Always remember that forgiving doesn't equate with forgetting. You're entitled to learn by experience and be guided by that experience. It's about leaving aside the resentment and self-inflicted berating that comes with remembering.
  3. Accept your emotions. Part of the struggle is often being unable to accept that you are experiencing such emotions as anger, fear, resentment, and vulnerability. Instead of trying to avoid facing these negative emotions, accept them as part of what is fueling you lack of self-forgiveness. A problem named is a problem ready to be tackled.
  4. Reflect on why you're trying to hold yourself to a higher standard than anyone else around you. Perfectionism can cause you to hold too a high a standard for your own behavior, a standard that you wouldn't hold anyone else to. And if your perfectionism causes you to be too hard on yourself, you are caught in a situation where self forgiveness is very hard to do because it seems like acceptance of a sub-standard you. Remove yourself from this vicious cycle of thinking by doing what Martha Beck called "welcoming imperfection". Beck claimed that "welcoming imperfection is the way to accomplish what perfectionism promises but never delivers." It allows you to accept that all human being are imperfect, and you are human, and imperfect too.
    • If you are really struggling with perfectionism, consider counseling or therapy work to reduce its impact in your life. Read How to control perfectionism for more tips.
  5. Let go of other people's expectations for you. If you're stuck in a spiral of self-hate and never feeling good enough because of things that were once said to you, self-forgiveness is essential. You have no control over what other people do and say, and many things people are said and done unconsciously, often motivated by the other person's own shortcomings.[2] Living your life in self-loathing because you don't feel you lived up to someone else's expectations is based on making too much of another person's mixed-up feelings. Forgive yourself for trying to live a life according to other's expectations and start making the changes needed to follow your own purpose instead.
    • For every person who has been hard on you, remember that someone was hard on them. Break the chain of harshness by being kind to yourself, not trying to live up to someone else's expectations for you.
    • Whenever someone criticizes you for how you are and what you have done, realize that they have just made it that much harder for themselves to err lest they be caught out not fulfilling their own perfection implicit in their criticism. Seeing it this way can ease things for you because you just know they'll slip up somewhere and that being someone who feels entitled to criticize constantly is a very painful (and lonely) way to live.
  6. Stop punishing yourself. There is a frequent misunderstanding that forgiveness equates to forgetting or condoning. This misunderstanding can lead a person to feel that it is not right to forgive oneself because in the process of doing so, it's akin to an act of forgetting or condoning the past wrong. If this is the factor preventing you from forgiving yourself, keep in mind that forgiveness is a process of mindfulness in which you continue to remember what happened and you do not condone something that was "wrong" as suddenly "right".[3]
    • It's perfectly fine to say: "I hate what I've done (or how I've devalued myself) but I'm moving on for the sake of my health, my well-being, and those around me." Affirming this is healthy and allows you to break the cycle of self-harm you've fallen into because you openly acknowledge what was wrong and the intention to set it right from now on.
  7. Practice self acceptance. You don't need forgiveness for being you. Forgiving yourself is about targeting the specific things that you feel bad about, not about the person you are. As a forgiveness technique, self acceptance allows you to acknowledge that you're a good person, faults and all. It doesn't mean that you ignore the faults or stop trying to improve yourself but it does mean that you value yourself above those elements and cease to allow your faults to halt your progression in life.[4]
    • Love yourself and give yourself permission to heal.
    • Laugh more; it'll give you more freedom to stop taking it all so seriously.
  8. Think about what will improve in your life if you can release yourself and how to bring this into fruition. As part of forgiving yourself, it's usually not enough to simply resolve to forgive yourself. Doing things to confirm the forgiveness process will help you to realize your self-forgiveness and to give you a new sense of purpose. Some of the things you might like to consider doing include:
    • Taking up meditation. Meditation is an ideal way to find inner quiet, spiritual, self-realization, and physical relaxation. It will allow you to take time out, to tune into and appreciate the moment, and to get in touch with your inner self. Done regularly, meditation will improve your well-being and sense of self.
    • Affirm your self-worth. Remind yourself regularly that you are a valued and beautiful person and say simply: "I forgive myself" or "I will no longer let anger eat away at me", whenever the negative thoughts reappear.
    • Keep a diary. Write down your journey to forgiveness. Having the writing space to share your thoughts and feelings with, one that nobody else will ever read, is a liberating and self-enlightening way to breaking through negative approaches to your life.
    • Seek therapy. If you've tried hard to get over anger, resentment, and other fearful, out-of-control emotions but you're still struggling, connect with a therapist who can help guide you through to a better state of being. If therapy's not your thing, at least find a friend or more to talk to, and who will help to affirm your worth.
    • If you have a faith, draw strength from its teachings to support you.
  9. See forgiveness as a journey, not a destination. If you're liable to thinking that you're unable to "get to" self-forgiveness, you may be sabotaging your chances of even starting the forgiveness journey. It helps to accept that forgiveness is an ongoing process and that you'll have your up days and your down days, as with most feelings and experiences in life. You may feel that you've reached a point of forgiveness, only to have something happen that causes you to feel it was all a wasted effort and that you're back to square one, angry and annoyed with yourself. The best approach is to let the slip-ups happen and see them as minor setbacks in an otherwise more forgiving self. In addition, realize that forgiveness has no timetable; instead, you can do your very best to prepare yourself for the process and to get it started:[5]
    • Self-forgive in gradual stages. Start with valuing yourself and making a resolution to stop letting the past continue to haunt the present and direct the person you are now.
    • Learn from what you've done in the past but value your whole self (see step above on practicing self-acceptance).
    • Enjoy positive experiences consciously and don't seek to downgrade them.
    • Be grateful for what you do have – great relationships, a home, a family, an education, abilities, interests, hobbies, pets, health, etc. Look for the good in your life.
    • Be self-compassionate. Shift your thoughts to more fulfilling, value-focused things when negative reproaches arise.
    • Apologize if others have been involved and you have not already done so, or you have not done so genuinely. Only do this when you have changed your negative outlook.


How to forgive and love yourself.


  • The person we are is the result of both good and bad things happening to us in life, as well as the good and bad things we have done. The manner in which we respond to negative events is as important as the way in which we respond to happy events. A person who is inclined to ruminate and make large of a negative event will be more prone to living in anger and resentment and expect future negativity than a person who sees bad things as isolated incidents that don't impinge on who they are as a whole.[6]
  • Think about how you have forgiven others in the past. Take the lessons from these experiences and apply them to your own situation; the reassuring aspect of this is that you know you have the ability to forgive, you just need to point that forgiveness in the right direction.


  • Stay away from people who have a tendency to sabotage efforts at self-improvement. Most of the time these people are focused on salvaging their own insecurities and are threatened by seeing someone else making the effort to overcome negative pressure in their life. Accept that forgiving yourself will sometimes lose certain relationships where your negativity was a source of the other person wielding power over you. Ask yourself if you'd rather continue the unhappy relationship or move on as a whole, and renewed person able to connect with healthier people.
  • Don't force yourself to hang around people who bring back the past for you in a negative way; people who push your buttons, devalue or belittle you, and who are thoughtless about your vulnerabilities are best left behind.
  • Forgiveness is the hardest quality to shape and yet it is the most essential. In learning about your own ability to forgive both yourself and others, your personal growth will be great, and that's a reward worth the hard work forgiveness requires of you.
  • Avoid talking about your wrongdoings and how bad a person you are around other people. You will create this reality in their minds too. Get therapy to get this negative thinking out of your head and back into the Pandora's Box it came from.

Things You'll Need

  • Journal or diary

Related wikiHows

Sources and Citations

  1. Piero Ferrucci, The Power of Kindness, p.46, (2007), ISBN 978-1-58542-588-4
  2. Stephanie Dowrick, Choosing Happiness: Life & Soul Essentials, p. 121, (2005), ISBN1-74114-521-X
  3. Stephanie Dowrick, Choosing Happiness: Life & Soul Essentials, p. 121, (2005), ISBN1-74114-521-X
  4. David Niven, The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People: What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It, pp. 15-16, (2000), ISBN 0-06-251650-7
  5. Stephanie Dowrick, Choosing Happiness: Life & Soul Essentials, p. 291, (2005), ISBN1-74114-521-X
  6. David Niven, The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People: What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It, p. 16, (2000), ISBN 0-06-251650-7

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Saturday, October 23, 2010

Old School William

Happy Birthday to my middle son William Harrison Jacobs. Today he turns 13 years old. WOW! As soon as one leaves the teen years the next one enters the teen years.
William has been my guilty pleasure for years. He is charming, outgoing, loving, incredibly intelligent and an all out JOY to be around. When people meet William they automatically love him. You just have to meet him to know what I'm talking about.

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Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Intimate Partner Violence Facts

pr1 What is Intimate Partner Violence?
Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) is emotional, verbal, physical or sexual violence occurring between partners. IPV takes place regardless of sexual orientation, race, social status, economic status, age group or educational background. IPV is not a heterosexual phenomenon nor is it based on gender. IPV is a choice to exert power and control over one’s partner.
Is IPV Always Physical Abuse?
In IPV abusers use control, rape, power, manipulation, isolation, lies, intimidation, weapons, economic control, harassment, verbal and emotional abuse, racism, and coercive and violent actions against their partners. IPV does not necessarily leave a visible wound or bruise.
Unique Challenges That LGBTQ Individuals Face When
Experiencing IPV
• Homosexuality is a divisive issue for many families that may result in
the rejection of the family members who identify as lesbian, gay, bi- sexual or transgender. Therefore, many LGBTQ individuals find a sense of belonging with their partners that they may not experience with their own families. This sense of belonging can make it difficult to end an abusive relationship.
• Institutional biases, such as heterosexism and homophobia, may decrease access to the services or support available to LGBTQ individuals who are experiencing IPV.
• Abusers may employ homophobic rhetoric in the treatment of their partners, reinforcing shame and fear in their partners.
Statistics About Intimate Partner Violence in LGBTQ Communities
Little research has been done on LGBTQ IPV. One reason is that scholarship on the LGBTQ community is in its infancy, and much of the research that exists
concentrates on sexuality or the experience of coming out. Second, LGBTQ IPV is
under-reported because of victims’ experiences of homophobia, heterosexism and
The National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs (NCAVP), which is made up of 33 members nationwide, is one of the few organizations that gather statistics on IPV in LGBTQ relationships. NCAVP reports the following:*
• IPV occurs in 1 out of 4 heterosexual relationships, and it is predicted that similar rates exist in LGBTQ relationships.
• About 34% of the reported victims of IPV were between 19 and 49 years old.
• Over 38% of the victims who reported incidences of IPV were people of color.

*All statistics reported in this document are derived from National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs. Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender Domestic Violence In The United States In 2006. To view the complete report, visit

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Put it out with a perdurable

Put it out with a perdurable


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10.10.10 Dear Blog

Dear Blog,
It has been 6 days since my last blog entry.  I have been quite busy reading, learning, being a mommy, etc.  I have so many blog entries in my head that I want share/post.  Here is a list of blog entries currently under construction:
  • ·         Numbers Runner
  • ·         Profile of a Hit Man
  • ·         Holiday Shopping Tips for You
  • ·         Google, YouTube, and You Too
  • ·         Evaluating ME

I am typing this entry in Word because it says I can upload to my blog.  I couldn't upload from Word.  I kept getting the error that it couldn't access my account.  Whatever. 

Yesterday was Allan’s birthday.  He wanted his party at his Dad’s house.  We had a great time.  He got a bike, money, and a football.  We had barbecue ribs, hot wings, hot dogs, hamburgers, chips, cheese puffs and an ice cream cake.  I was very happy Allan enjoyed his 9th birthday.

Dear Blog,
I have so much I want to share but for some reason, I cannot find the words to properly and adequately convey what I desire to share.  Maybe I have too much junk I need to dump before I can really do what I want to do.  I’ll post more later.

Dear Blog,
My brother thinks I use facebook too much.  I've been thinking about going on a 7 day facebook diet.  No facebook for 7 days straight.  At least no going to facebook.  I have several sites that automatically post to facebook.  I won't be going on an all out internet diet, just a facebook diet.  What do you think?

Dear Blog,
I had a dream about bags last night.  Leather bags, suitcases, purses, more leather bags.  It was quite odd.  I dreamed I was packing bags and sending someone on their way.  I distinctly remember a brown leather backpack purse.  I wonder what that dream meant.  I looked up what this could possibly mean and found it at the bottom of this website.  You have to scroll down to the bottom of the page.  I am kind of excited about the possible meaning of this leather bag dream.   

This dream prompted me to go to the Dooney website to look around.  I love Dooney.  Don't you?

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Dear Blog

Dear Blog,
Today we went to Ryans for breakfast.  It was horrible.  They had no bananas!  And the Omelet guy only knew how to make omelets.  He couldn't do special egg orders.  His English was horrible.  I really don't think he understood English very well either.  Several patrons made complaints about the food too.  I had a free pass so I had to use it.  They say you get what you pay for, so I got what I paid for.

The service was great.  My server's name was Amir.  Whenever I go out to eat I always make a point of remembering my server's name.  I see serving at restaurants as such a personal thing.  I gave Amir $5.  He deserved it.

My mind is not at it's best this morning.  Maybe because I had such a horrible breakfast.   Could also be because it's been two weeks since I had a good fix.  Who knows.

By the way, did I mention that October is Domestic Violence Awareness month?

This entry is also full of links that I was too lazy to blog in detail about.  Check them out for yourself.


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