Boiled Blood

Sistahs, I’m NOT Happy with some of YOU!

Why?  Because there are some of you who make cheating, no good men feel it’s ok to do what they do.  If I’m blogging, writing, talking to you, then you KNOW I’m talking to you and you should read this entire post to learn something TODAY.   Otherwise, I may be preaching to the choir, and that’s ok because the choir can add input from their perspective in the comments section.

Enablers – Some women are enablers.  They enable a sorry man to continue living a sorry life.   The dictionary defines an enabler as: “one that enables another to achieve an end; especially: one who enables another to persist in self-destructive behavior (as substance abuse) by providing excuses or by making it possible to avoid the consequences of such behavior”

I especially like that last part.  The making it possible for the sorry so in so to avoid the consequences of BAD behavior by taking him back time and time again.  Some examples are: women who pay bills for the bad with money man, women who let the no job man live in her house she is paying for while he does nothing to contribute to the household in ANYWAY whatsoever, women who say cheaters are men just being men because all men cheat.  NEWSFLASH:  ALL MEN DO NOT CHEAT!!!


Project Managers – Some women are project managers.  They think they can fix or change a man who inevitably becomes a project for them.  Project managers think that having a man, no matter how sorry he may be, is better than NOT having a man.  They think that loving that project and working on it will make it all better.  Not so.

Here’s my beef with all the women who take crap from men over and over again.  When your relationship with SOS (Stuck On Stupid) is over, he comes to a woman like me expecting me to put up with what you put up with.  I AM NOT THAT WOMAN!  I confess, once upon a time I was that woman.  I had to go to counseling and read books and WORK ON ME!  Hence, I’m not that woman. 

• I’ve learned to be content with just me. 
• I’ve learned to live without having my focus be on a man either as my problem or as a solution to my problems. 
• I’ve learned to love me more than I love him. 
• I’ve learned to walk in my destiny and live life on my terms. 
• I’ve learned that I am my own project and I have so much in life to be thankful for than to be taking on special projects. 
• I’ve learned so much.

My hope, desire, prayer is that all Women Who Love Too Much get a clue and stop putting up with mess so these men will stop trying to take that mess to  good women who don’t deserve the mess.

After reading this post, I just realized that I’m inadvertently promoting the Robin Norwood book Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change .  Go read it and read it again and tell me what you think.

Are you or someone you know guilty of anything I've described above?
Do you know anybody who has RECOVERED from this syndrome?
Please share.  I'm so curious.

Keala on Karma

Keala on Karma

I am a firm believer in Karma. I guess that's why I like My Name Is Earl . However, I believe that Karma is a universal law similar to Newton's Laws. Remember this one, "For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction?"

You can look at Karma as whatever you do intentionally to others, a similar thing will happen to yourself in the future.

When you ain't living right, your life won't seem right. That's what I believe.  Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A person reaps what he sows.  (Gal. 6:7)

All things whatsoever you would that men should do to you,
do even so to them: for this is the law and the prophets.  (Matthew 7:12)

Tzu-kung asked, "Is there one word which may serve as a rule of practice for all one's life?" Confucius answered, "Is not reciprocity such a word? What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others."'

From His Holiness the Dalai Lama's book Path to Bliss:
"Some people misunderstand the concept of karma. They take the Buddha's doctrine of the law of causality to mean that all is predetermined, that there is nothing that the individual can do. This is a total misunderstanding. The very term karma or action is a term of active force, which indicates that future events are within your own hands. Since action is a phenomenon that is committed by a person, a living being, it is within your own hands whether or not you engage in action."

Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.
Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
Unknown source

Give your best in everything you do because it will undoubtedly come back to you. kmj

~~Namaste~~

My Earliest Childhood Memory is . . .

eating spiders on my back porch. Yes, I did it. I ate bugs as a child.

We had this huge screened in back porch. I remember it being an old fashioned type porch with the bottom half of the wall being wooden, and the top half all screen. The inside of the porch was painted grey. I don't remember any furniture back there. Just a deep freezer or some other appliance that I didn't really care to know or remember about as a child.

I remember when I was about 3 years old, I would go play on the back porch all alone. I was an only child for about 4 years so I didn't have any live in playmates. I remember role playing all by myself alot as a child. I would pretend I was many different things like a lion, a giant, a fire truck, any new thing I'd just learned about or seen.

On this particular day, I think I was a cat or some small animal. There I was crawling around on the back porch making animal noises, licking my paws and stuff, when I crawled right into a spider web! Darn! I got webby stuff all over me. So, since I was an animal, I did what animals do. I ate the stuff. Then I found the spider, and I ate IT too.

Yes, that's my earliest childhood memory. Eating bugs!! Yummy!

Lesson Learned: We can eat bugs and survive.

On Rating Yourself

DIGGING IN THE CRATES wrote a blog titled “RATE YOURSELF”.

I gave myself a high score because I love Keala Brown. People who know me know that I’m not conceited. I’d like to think I’m a positive person.

Well, here is the point, once upon a time I was P-H-I-O-N-E. That wasn’t too long ago. After my divorce, I gained a lot of weight (25-30lbs). Ouch! But guess what? I am still phione!

Well, what I noticed was when I gained the weight I also gained a lot of admirers. My dad said the weight looks really great on me, so do a few friends. The ones who really noticed were strangers! Yes, strangers. I get approached more now than when I was 25 lbs lighter. I mean I get approached by men almost daily, sometimes several times a day. At Wal*Mart (I still say WM is evil), at the gas station, at the bank, at the park, at the skating rink, where ever I go.
I thought this was kind of odd because when I was smaller in size, I NEVER got approached by men. Well, rarely, not never.

All of this got me to thinking….hmmmm…what kind of women based on looks alone are men more likely to approach? I asked a friend, a male friend that is, the one who approached me in the bank.

“What type of woman based on looks alone are most men more likely to approach?”

“Average looking women. The really fine and pretty ones are usually stuck up and dis brothers. The ugly girls usually think you have ulterior motives and usually dis brothers as well.”

“Hmmmmm….Is that so?”

So, I was right. I used to be fine, now I’m average. Yeah right. Yall know I'm above average. I took this conversation to my girlfriend who is very beautiful. She says she’s rarely approached because she’s on the slim side. I say it’s because she’s gorgeous. I probably get approached more because of my average-ness. She thinks Keala is above average looking and Keala looks friendly when out in public. (Do I look friendly?)

Really? Is that so?

What do you think family?

Also, based on outward appearance alone men, would you prefer Jada Pinkett Smith(small & petite) or Jennifer Hudson(full figured & voluptuous)?

Related blogs:
http://cocoalounge.blogspot.com/2007/01/full-figured-women-shine-at-golden.html
http://celebodies.wordpress.com/about-2/

Related sites:
http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/dsef07/t5.aspx?id=7332
http://www.bodypositive.com/

LESSON LEARNED: True Beauty is within and it shines through without.

Craig Bowers

Craig Bowers was the first boy I really liked, but Pressley Harvin was my first boyfriend.

Pressley lived down the street from me and he had it bad for me. He walked me home from the bus stop everyday. Sometimes he even offered to carry my books. Pressley really liked me except he was afraid of my step-father. All the boys were afraid of my step-father.

My step-father was the type to let everybody know he has shotguns and other weapons and he wasn’t afraid to use them to defend his daughters. Pressley had every right and reason to be afraid of Willie James (my step-father).

One day Pressley got the nerve to actually tell Willie James how he felt about me. I was shocked. I really hadn’t given Pressley much thought until that day. See, I had my mind, my eyes, and my heart set on Craig Bowers.

I had it really bad for Craig. Just like I felt about Pressley, that’s how Craig felt about me. In Craig’s mind, I was just a friend, one of the boys. Craig had a girlfriend, but he still had time to play paper football with me. We talked on the phone for hours and we played on the monkey bars together. I would watch Craig go from one end to the other while Keisha and I would pretend we were on the gymnastics parallel bars. We were pretty good too. I actually took gymnastics at the Y and Keisha actually took dance and Libby’s. So we knew what we were doing (in our little minds).

Back to Craig & Pressley. I never took Pressley seriously until he mustered the courage to tell Willie James that he was in love with me. Pressley with all of his 11 years of wisdom confronted Willie James to say that he was going to make me his woman. I was very impressed by that act alone. That one act along with all of Pressley’s pestering finally made me say yes when he asked me to “go with him”. So at 11 years old, Pressley was my first boyfriend, but I still had it bad for Craig Bowers.

LESSON LEARNED: You never know what a person has to offer until you see them in action. IOW: Never judge a book by its cover.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness

Since my experiences with the holy spirit, I've experienced a certain type of peace I've never known.

As far as the sad periods, I seek God, I write and I roll. I also look around me and see that I am blessed. I look inside and know who I am. This sounds easy, but sometimes it is quite difficult. That gratitude exercise during the month of November 2007 was quite trying for me.

August 2004 when I was going through my divorce, things were all very difficult for me. My ex husband was making life miserable, but only because I let him. My sad time happened over the period of a week. For an entire week all I did was get up, get the boys to school, go to work as a zombie, come home as a zombie, make sure the boys ate, then go straight to the couch and CRY. I cried several hours everyday for a week! I cried myself to sleep every night. And, in front of my sons! They didn't know what was wrong with me. I am not sure if I would recommend this. Although they did witness this sadness, they also witnessed the recovery. So they learned that sad times don't last always. They've learned that we do overcome, grow, and change.

"Mom, why are you crying?" they asked over and over again. Poor babies, I couldn't even answer them. I pulled the covers over my head and I cried some more. I don't even know how they got to bed or where they slept because I was too busy crying. I did this everyday for a week mind you.

Then on the Friday of that week of crying, I was on the couch doing my thing, crying. As I cried, I thought about every bad thing every body I've ever encountered has done to me. Then I started thinking about all of the bad things I'd ever done in my life. All of this bad thinking could have led to more crying, but it didn't. My spirit woman wouldn't let it.

Immediately, I heard the Father say, "For mine own sake I have cast your sins into the sea of forgetfulness. Don't you know who you are?"

"Of course," was my answer. I knew who I was. I kept telling everybody I was a child of God. I knew I was made in His image. If I was made in His image, then I knew I was like Him and have qualities like him. If He cast my sins into the sea of forgetfulness for His sake, then I must cast my sins into the sea of forgetfulness for my own sake. I had to forgive myself for my own sanity and for my children's well being and care as well. I also had to do the same for people who have wronged me. Not for them, but for me. I forgave them and threw their sins out too.

Then I got up, read my Bible, took that Word and applied it to my life at that very moment. Once I learned my lesson that day, I told the boys, "come on, let's go". We got our stuff and got out of that house. Ever since, Fridays have been our days to go out do something. That Friday we went to the park, watched a movie and had a good ole time. We've been having our fun every Friday since that last Friday I cried on the couch.

Now I don't cry on the couch. It took me a long time to even get comfortable on that couch. As a matter of fact, I sold that couch February 2006. (that couch was evil)

Forgiveness is what got me out of that funk. Forgiveness is what keeps me going. Forgiveness is a key element in healing, so I hear.

I must make one aspect of forgiveness very clear. Forgiving a person does not mean you let that person wrong you over and over again. It just means, you don't let what that person did to you poison you and your life. Don't hold on to the act or wrongful deed, but also know who/what you're dealing with so you don't fall prey to the same things that harm again.

Dr. Laura has an excellent example of forgiveness that I prescribe to. She said, if you are in a pool with alligators or pirhanna and they bite and attack you, once you get out of the pool, you can forgive them. The key is not to get in the pool again. Just because you forgave the flesh eating creatures doesn't mean they are no longer flesh eating creatures and that makes it safe to swim with them again.

LESSON LEARNED: Forgiveness is all about the person doing the forgiving. It has little to do with the person being forgiven. Forgiveness is about self cleansing so that you can be the best you possible. The self cleansing of forgiveness contributes to making you a whole person.

Recommended Forgiveness Reading:

• No more tears for me baby!
• hugs - How to let go of grudges and bitterness
• kisses - The Forgiveness Project
• much love - I love this one
• muah - Light of Love Blog

Who Da Hail is Tim?

I was married for 15 and a half years. During my separation I met a man I don’t normally go for. At first I thought he was ok. Not my type but since I had been out of the dating scene for so long, I figured I would give him a chance. I thought that I shouldn’t be picky. I should keep my options open.

I put it like that because this man was unambitious so to speak. I was not used to that. I was married to a very ambitious man. In high school I dated guys who were in Who’s Who. I knew that I wanted someone with values and goals similar to mine.

Well, when I met FB, I wasn’t so sure about his values and goals. I knew he liked going to church once a week. He played the drums at his church. He got paid for it. He was in a band. They never had any gigs, but he was in a band. Wait, I take that back, they did have gigs. FB was so . . . churchy? No, big on having people think he was a man of God. His band did get gigs in local clubs. FB said he refused to play in clubs where alcohol was sold or something like that.

Another thing about FB, he washed his dry clean only clothes in the washing machine: sports jackets, slacks, dress shirts, ties, everything. His shirts were so worn that the fold on the collars were tearing. I remember standing in his walk in closet on the phone with my girlfriend telling her how I was going to nominate him for What Not To Wear. He really needed it.

So, guess what I did? I went shopping for FB. I bought him new shirts, ties, and slacks. No sport jackets. I just took his tattered sport jackets and threw them away. They needed it. I upgraded that so-n-so.

After dating FB for about 2 and half months, I noticed that he really had no drive and no ambition what so ever. I initially thought he was in his situation because of his break up that was similar to my separation. Nope. He was happy and content with his situation. I was not. I knew I had to make a change.

The only thing that made me stay with FB for 3 months was the good Richard. His Richard was like crack. But I could do without that kind of Richard.

I eventually made the mistake of loaning him money $500. He only gave me a little over $250 back. Whenever I asked for my money, he would get mad at me and give me attitude like I owed him money or something.

Lesson Learned: Never loan a man money. Never date someone who has no aspirations or whose aspirations, dreams and goals are lower on the totem pole than your own.

See more progress on: Chronicle my crazy/interesting dating escapades since 2004

Yay! Doing The Happy Dance Today!

TJ got his driver’s license today!

Yes, that is a good reason to do the happy dance.

However an even better reason is the fact that HE GOT A PERFECT SCORE on his road test!

Did I mention that he got a perfect score on his road test?

That’s a reason to do the happy dance!

See more progress on: Post Reasons To Do The Happy Dance

Can I Borrow $25?

Can I borrow $25?

A man came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son waiting for him at the door.

SON: Daddy, may I ask you a question?'
DAD: Yes sure, what is it ? replied the man.
SON: Daddy, how much do you make an hour?'
DAD: That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing? the man said angrily.
SON: I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?'
DAD: If you must know, I make $50 an hour.'
SON: Oh, the little boy replied, with his head down.
SON: Daddy, may I please borrow $25?'

The father was furious, If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don't work hard everyday for such childish frivolities.'

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?

After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down , and started to think: Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $25.00 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.

'Are you asleep, son?' He asked.

'No daddy, I'm wake,' replied the boy.

'I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the man. It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $25 you asked for.

The little boy sat straight up, smiling. Oh, thank you daddy!' He yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.

The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the father grumbled.

Because I didn't have enough, but now I do,' the little boy replied. Daddy, I have $50 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.'

The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness.

It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts.

Do remember to share that $50 worth of your time with someone you love.

If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of hours. But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the separation for the rest of their lives.

Today is Tuesday, December 4, 2007

and I am thankful for:

• working close to home. I came home for lunch today.

• sons who love each other. TJ had to walk to another subdivision to pick up his little brother today. Allan really looks up to TJ and admires him. TJ plays well with Allan. They bonded today.

• appreciation. I love people who appreciate the people in their lives.

• more lessons learned. I am the person who is ultimately responsible for the amount of bullshit that enters my life. I can either accept it or reject it. The choice is mine.

See more progress on: be thankful

Today is Monday, November 5, 2007

and I am thankful for:

• Lessons learned. Life lessons you learn just by living from day to day. I've learned so much over the years and I keep what I learn. I am thankful that I can apply what I learn to new situations.
• Depression no more. I was talking with my mom the other day and she was telling me how proud she is of my growth over the past two years. She mentioned my temporary depression and how proud she was that I came out of it without her help. I am thankful that I applied what God gave me to overcome that crying affair with the couch.
• The $100 I found in my purse this morning! Yes, I found 5 twenty dollar bills folded up in my purse this morning. The Universe is GOD and good to me!
• This forum to share my blessings with.
• Abuse NO MORE. I am so happy that I am no longer living an abusive life. I am so thankful that I have learned to identify the characteristics of an abusive person. I can now avoid all of that and not make the same mistakes I've made in the past.
• The fact that I no longer attract abusiveness into my life. I have learned to love me unconditionally and I accept nothing less from the outside world. If you can't love the way I love me or better, then there is no room for you in my life.
• The fact that my children recognize the above and are living it in their lives as well.
• The fact that I have so much to be thankful for. Life is good. God is good. The Universe is most splendid to me.

Have a most splendid day!

Lifetime Drama Part III

Shortly after the threesome incident, we moved to Nebraska. During the entire two years there I was angry with God for allowing my husband to succumb to such sin. I felt that if I was a good wife and did what I was told and suppose to do, then every one around me would behave as well. I was so wrong. Lesson learned: It's not always about me. It's not all about me.

While in Nebraska, he asked me to take a polygraph regarding all the stuff from the past he was constantly hounding me about. The test would also include other questions he had that I knew nothing about. He promised that things would be better if I took the test. He promised to be nicer to me. He promised he'd be a better husband. Well I took the polygraph test and passed it. Things didn’t change. They got worse. After the test he told me he didn't believe in them. He spent $300 for something he claimed he didn't believe in. Lesson Learned: Never compromise who you really are to appease someone else's insecurities.

Shortly after the polygraph, he contacted an old girlfriend to apologize for taking her virginity and then marrying me. He kept the email relationship against my wishes. I begged him to stop emailing her. I warned him of the dangers of this type of relationship. He said this was something he had to do and if he had to choose he’d choose his “friendship” with this other woman over his marriage with me. It was then that I emotionally checked out of the relationship. Lesson Learned: It's not all about me. I have to love me more than I love you.

After I emotionally checked out I made plans to leave. He told me he would never divorce me unless I cheated on him. Well, I knew I could make that happen. I pursued a sexual affair with someone he warned me to stay away from just to get back at him and get my divorce. When I told him about my affair, he said he would never divorce me. That was so wrong. I deeply regret my decision to compromise my values. Lesson Learned: Always be true to you. Never let your fears rule your life.

When we moved back to South Carolina, Tony continued his online relationship with Nikkole. I began to seek more counseling at First Baptist Church to help me. This time it was better than the first time. I only saw the married adult minister a few times until I thought it was enough. Lesson Learned: Seek professional help, not laymen's help.