Four Boyfriends

Once upon a time there was this girl who had four boyfriends.

She loved the 4th boyfriend the most and adored him with rich robes and treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave him nothing but the best.

She also loved the 3rd boyfriend very much and was always showing him off to neighboring kingdoms.
However, she feared that one day he would leave her for another.

She also loved her 2nd boyfriend. He was her confidant and was always kind, considerate and patient with her.
Whenever this girl faced a problem, she could confide in him, and he would help her get through the difficult times.

The girls 1st boyfriend was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining her wealth and kingdom. However, she did not love the first boyfriend. Although he loved her deeply, she hardly took notice of him.!

One day, the girl fell ill and she knew her time was short. She thought of her luxurious life and wondered, I now have four boyfriends with me, but when I die, I'll be all alone.'

Thus, she asked the 4th boyfriend, I loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?'

'No way!', replied the 4th boyfriend, and he walked away without another word.

His answer cut like a sharp knife right into her heart.

The sad girl then asked the 3rd boyfriend, 'I loved you all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?'

'No!', replied the 3rd boyfriend. 'Life is too good! When you die, I'm going to marry someone else!'

Her heart sank and turned cold.

She then asked the 2nd boyfriend, 'I have always turned to you for help and you've always been there for me.

When I die, will you follow me and keep me compa! ny?'

'I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!', replied the 2nd boyfriend. 'At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave.'

His answer struck her like a bolt of lightning, and the girl was devastated.

Then a voice called out: 'I'll go with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go.'

The girl looked up, and there was her first boyfriend. He was very skinny as he suffered from malnutrition and neglect.

Greatly grieved, the girl said, 'I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!'

In truth, you have 4 boyfriends in your lives:

Your 4th boyfriend is your body. No matter how much time and effort you lavish in making it look good, it will leave you when you die.

Your 3rd boyfriend is your possessions, status and wealth. When you die, it will all go to others.

Your 2nd boyfriend is your family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for you, the furthest they can ! stay by you is up to the grave.

And your 1st boyfriend is your Soul. Often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world.

However, your Soul is the only thing that will follow you where ever you go. Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only
part of you that will follow you to the throne of God and continue with you throughout Eternity.

Thought for the day: Remember, when the world pushes you to your knees, you're in the perfect position to pray.

Being happy doesn't mean everything's perfect. It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections .

I'm Loving HIM

I'm Loving

I'm Loving So Many

Things About HIM

His Hair

His Kiss

His Smell

His Care

His Touch - HIM

I'm Loving So Many

Things Within Him

His Spirit

His Soul

His Heart

His Mind

His Personality - HIM

I'm Loving So Many

Things

That make him HIM

His Patience

His Wisdom

His Humor

His Disposition - HIM

Tags: phone photos

Puttin on lip gloss

Tags:phone photos

Hi

Lifetime Drama Part II

When we left England we came back to South Carolina to attend the University of South Carolina as full-time students. We enrolled in Air Force Reserve Officer Training Corps. I was not allowed to stay in the program because we were married with a child, so I pursued a degree in Math. I wanted to get a degree in Math Education, but Tony said that I would do better not to go into teaching. He said I was too soft to teach and that I’d make more money pursuing something else. With him it was mostly about the money.

When my grandfather died, he told me that he would go to the funeral and that I should go to work because we needed the money. Like a fool I listened to him, went to work, left early and got to the funeral too late. I let him pressure me into doing too many things that were not healthy, wise or sane.

After he graduated from USC, we moved to our 1st house. It was there that he first threatened suicide. He was still harassing me about the past. I kept telling him the same thing over and over. He didn’t believe me. Well, one day he was hounding me about the past again, he was crying saying that my story didn’t add up. He had our young son in his lap. He was sitting on the floor next to an electrical outlet with a fork in his hand. He said that if I didn’t come clean with him he would put the fork into the electrical outlet with our son sitting in his lap. I was terrified. I didn’t want my little boy hurt by him and I didn’t want to become a widow at such a young age. I don’t remember what I told him to get the child from him, but I do remember calling the suicide hotline regarding him later on. I avoided him for about two weeks after that incident.

When we left our 1st house, we moved to a new subdivision. It was there when I noticed that his viewing of pornography increased. Shortly after we moved there he also acquired an account with the Columbia Singles Line. He talked to several women on the line and he also tried to get me involved as well. I told him that I wanted no part of it. I also told him that he shouldn’t be involved with the line because it was dangerous and that he was playing with fire. His reply was that he knew what he was doing and he could handle it and not go too far. I was devastated.

Shortly after being on the Columbia Singles Line, he approached me with participating in a threesome with another woman on the line. I initially said no. I begged and pleaded with him to drop the account and leave the line alone. He said this was something he had to do and he would do it with or without me. I was so hurt. I felt that he really didn’t care about me because he knew that this was something I really didn’t want to participate in or do. It was totally against who I was as a person and against everything I believed in. He was asking me to participate in premeditated sin. I thought that life in and of itself was hard enough without trying to commit premeditated sin. I knew that it was wrong and would open our lives to the horrible unimaginable consequences.

After he approached me with this, I sought counseling at First Baptist Church. I didn’t find it too helpful. I was basically told to be a good wife, try to save my marriage and follow God. I became angry and resentful. I didn’t know how to resolve these problems. I felt helpless. I was so shaken and upset that I couldn't perform well on my job. My co-workers noticed a marked change in me, but they didn't say anything.

Now I know how to handle such problems. I wish I knew then what I know now.

After pressuring me to participate for some time, we got into a huge fight. Late one night we were in bed talking/arguing about my lack of desire to play threesome with him and a stranger. I was so fed up I decided to go to the guest bedroom to sleep. He followed me and hounded me. I told him to get away from me. That's when he picked me up and threw me to the floor. He grabbed me so hard his nails left impressions in my arms.

The next morning I packed up all of my stuff and left him. It was the first time I left him. I went to my dad's house but I didn't tell my dad why I was there. I did tell my mom and my stepmom. At the time we had been married for seven years and he didn't even know how to get to my dad's house. That's why I chose to go to Daddy's.

A Peek Into My Lifetime Drama

We met the summer of 1987. Immediately he wanted to know everything about me including all of my sexual history including details. I refused to tell him everything and was told that it was very important for him to know. When I told him he did not believe me. He was sure that there was more to my story. He hounded me for years about what he thought I was lying about. I was too young to know any better.

We eloped in the summer of 1989. He had orders to Hawaii and told me that if I didn’t marry him, it would never happen. At times I feel that I should not have married him, but I did any way because I wanted to see Hawaii. Those orders were cancelled and we went to England instead.

Six months after we were married, I found out that I was pregnant. During the pregnancy I stayed at home and kept the house immaculately clean. He complained anyway. During my pregnancy he also hounded me about everything that happened before the marriage. I hated it and begged him to stop. I was completely honest with him, but he was mean and very demanding. He did nothing to help out around the house.

Shortly after the baby was born, he demanded that I get a job to help him with our little expenses. I really wanted to stay at home with my baby, but I bowed to his desires again. How stupid of me. I should have stayed home and let him take care of his family like a real Christian man should. After all he was professing to be a Christian man.

While in England, we didn’t have a phone. Whenever we wanted to call home, we had to walk to a pay phone to make the calls. Every time we called he didn’t want me to talk to his family for some strange reason. Little did I know that what he was doing was called “isolation”.

Test from my phone

Blogsvertise

My blog is now in the approval/review process for acceptance to Blogsvertise. If you've read my previous blog, then you'd know that I'm trying to make some extra money blogging. Yall know I love to blog.

My understanding of how Blogsvertise works is as follows:

1. Visit http://www.blogsvertise.com/.
2. Register and submit your blog
3. Receive an email from blogsvertise confirming your registration information
4. Write a blog about blogsvertise to prove that you understand the process
5. Your blog is approved by blogsvertise and you can begin receiving advertising request tasks from advertisers
6. Blogsvertise will email assignments to your mailbox
7. You have 5 days to accept or decline the offer
8. If you accept the offer you must visit the sponsor's site and then write a blog entry/review about it or their product in your blog.
9. Your entry has to be more than 75 words long.
10. You must have 3 links to the sponsor's site in your entry
11. You don't have to endorse the sponsor you visited. Just mention it in your blog. Be creative if you have to.
12. Every assignment that is completed and approved earns between $4 to $25 per entry
13. All payments are made via paypal

So, if you have a blog and an active paypal account, you can make money using blogsvertise.

My Life as a CoverGirl

You pushed me
You shoved me
I covered for you
Telling myself, "He's passionate about me."

You slapped me
You harassed me
I covered for you
Telling myself, "He loves me."

You lied to me
You Lied on me
I covered for you
Telling myself, "He protects me. He covers me."

You spied on me
You abused me
I covered for you
Saying, "He wants the best for me."

For 15 years

I lived a life

as your CoverGirl.

When I opened my eyes

To the truth

I had to remove the cover

No longer to live

The LIE

of your CoverGirl

Mr. Wonderful

Mr. Wonderful has piqued my curiosity with his engaging personality.

Mr. Wonderful found my tickle bone.

Blah Blah Blog

Why do I blog?

At first it was because I had nothing better to do. Then it became sort of an online journal. Then it became fun. Then it became addictive, sort of.

Then REAL life hit and I didn't have the time. Not that I didn't have any topics to blog about. I just didn't have the time to actually sit down and write what was on my mind. I guess tonight I do have the time to actually sit down and actually write what's on my mind.

One reason why I didn't have the time is because time is money and I wasn't making any money blogging. Not one brown, dusty, rusty penny. Not one silver, shiny dime. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

I really wanted to blog during my blogation(blog vacation). Really I did, but I needed some cash. I was too busy trying to find creative ways to pay the mortgage, light bill, water bill, cell phone bill, grocery bill, insurance. You know - basic life necessities.

Honestly, I really did want to blog and I the less I blogged in an effort to make the almighty dollar, the more I wanted to get paid to blog. Then I began my research on getting paid to blog.

The first site I found was PayPerPost. I logged on, registered and my blog was DENIED!

Then I tried google adsense. They gave me 44 cents to see if my account was right. That's it. Just 44 cents.

Then I went to thenewsroom.com. They say I'll get paid every time someone watches the following video.

We'll see about that one.

The next site I found was blogitive. You have to apply and have your blog approved. Since I just applied I don't know yet. I will be notified in 2 business days of my acceptance.

I'm still looking to get paid to blog. We'll see. Right now, I'm going to find some more opportunities.

Have a great day.

Boss To English Translator

A parody on "must-have" office handbooks, "Cube Monkeys: A Handbook for Surviving the Office Jungle" by The Editors of CareerBuilder.com and Second City Communications (Collins) offers laugh-out-loud advice on how to make it through the workday.

Full of irreverent humor from Second City Communications, the corporate division of the world renowned comedy theatre The Second City, "Cube Monkeys" features top 10 lists, quizzes, step-by-step guides, games and hilarious advice that will help make the longest 40 hours of the week seem a little less unbearable.

Here's an excerpt:

Boss-to-English Translator:
What your boss says and what he really means

Do you ever feel a trip to your boss's office is like a trip to a foreign country? Nice view, but no speaka dee English? In order to ensure that none of the buck passing, put- downing, or one- upping is lost in translation, make sure to bring along this cheat sheet so you know what the big enchilada is really trying to say.

"Great job on the report!"
Translation: "I'm taking credit for your work."

"I have to attend an off-site meeting."
Translation: "I'm having an affair."

"Let me give you some broadstroke ideas and you can fill in the rest."
Translation: "I still haven't learned how to create an Excel document."

"Headquarters has assured me we will not be affected by the merger."
Translation: "You are going to be fired."

"I'm not sure if what you are suggesting is in alignment with our core competencies."
Translation: "What exactly do we do again?"

"This office is a family and my door is always open if you ever need to powwow with Papa Bear."
Translation: "I am a tool."

"I'll be out of the office for a couple hours with senior management, but you can reach me on my mobile."
Translation: "I'm playing golf."

"I'll be off-site and unreachable for the rest of the afternoon."
Translation: "I'm playing golf and I expect to be very, very drunk."

"I think we should order in some lunch for the team."
Translation: "None of you are getting a raise. Enjoy your pizza."

"I don't want to have to micromanage this whole operation!"
Translation: "I'm the boss because I made good business contacts at my Ivy League university; I don't know how to actually do things."

"This came down from up top."
Translation: "I have no real power."

"I can't give you an answer at this moment. Let me survey the situation and see what we can leverage out of it."
Translation: "Oh God, I wish I was still in sales!"

"It's good to see you take such bold initiative!"
Translation: "You are a threat to me. You will be fired the next time we so much as run out of coffee."

"I'll think about it."
Translation: "I'll tell you no in an e-mail, long after I've left the office."

"Did you finish those projections I asked you about on Friday?"
Translation: "I completely forgot to ask you about the projections on Friday, and I'm hoping your memory is even worse than mine."

"This is a very sensitive issue."
Translation: "I may need you to shred some documents."

"Let's push the boundaries on this one. We need something really innovative! Throw out the conventions, I want something edgy!"
Translation: "Present only safe, traditional ideas to me. I wouldn't know what to do with innovation if my life depended on it."

"We're going to be pulling some long hours and I'll be right here with the rest of you."
Translation: "My home life is miserable."

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news."
Translation: "Disappointing you is the only pleasure I have left in my dead-end, crappy job."

<A HREF="http://www.pageresource.com/linkus.htm" target="_blank">
Link to us!</A>

Visit http://www.careerbuilder.com/cubemonkeys to read more excerpts, watch hilarious videos and buy the book.

Signs To Look For In A Battering Personality

Signs to Look for In a Battering Personality

Many women are interested in ways that they can predict whether they are about to become involved with someone who will be physically abusive. Usually battering occurs between a man and a woman, but lesbians can be battered too. Below are a list of behaviors that are seen in people who beat their girlfriends or wives; the last four signs listed are battering, but many women don't realize this is the beginning of physical abuse. If the person has several of the other behaviors (say three or more) there is a strong potential for physical violence—the more signs a person has the more likely the person is a batterer. In some cases, a batterer may only have a behavior as signs of his/her love and concern, and a woman may be flattered at first; as time goes on, the behaviors become more severe and serve to dominate and control the woman. JEALOUSY: At the beginning of a relationship, an abuser will always say that jealousy is a sign of love; jealousy has nothing to do with love, it's a sign of possessiveness and lack of trust. He/she will question the woman about who she talks to, accuse her of flirting, or be jealous of time she spends with family, friends or children. As the jealousy progresses, he/she may call her frequently during the day or drop by unexpectedly. He/she may refuse to let her work for fear she'll meet someone else, or even do strange behaviors such as checking her car mileage or asking friends to watch her. CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR: At first, the batterer will say this behavior is because he/she's concerned for the woman's safety, her need to use her time well, or her need to make good decisions. He/she will be angry if the woman is "late" coming back from the store or an appointment, he/she will question her closely about where she went, who she talked to. As this behavior gets worse, he/she may not let the woman make personal decisions about the house, her clothing, going to church; he/she may keep all the money or even make her ask permission to leave the house or room. QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Many battered women dated or knew their abuser for less than six months before they were married, engaged, or living together. He/she comes on like a whirlwind, claiming "you're the only person I could ever talk to", "I've never felt loved like this by anyone." He/she will pressure the woman to commit to the relationship in such a way that later a woman may feel very guilty or that she's "letting them down" if she wants to slow down involvement or break-off. UNREALISITC EXPECTATIONS: Abusive people will expect their partner to meet all their needs; he/she expects the woman to be the perfect wife, mother, lover, friend. He/she will say things like "if you love me, I'm all you need—you're all I need." She is supposed to take care of everything for him/her emotionally and in the home. ISOLATION: The abusive person tries to cut the person off from all resources. If she has men friends, she's a "whore," is she has women friends, she's a lesbian, if she's close to family, she's "tied to the apron strings." He/she accuses people who are the woman's supports of "causing trouble," he/she may want to live in the country without a phone, he/she may not let her use a car (or have one that is reliable), or he/she may try to keep the woman from working or going to school. BLAMES OTHERS FOR THEIR PROBLEMS: If he/she is chronically unemployed, someone is always doing him/her wrong, out to get him/her. He/she may make mistakes and then blame the woman for upsetting him/her and keeping him/her from concentrating on the work. He/she will tell the woman she is at fault for almost anything that goes wrong. BLAMES OTHERS FOR FEELINGS: He/she will tell the woman "you make me mad," "you're hurting me by not doing what I want you to do," "I can't help being angry." He/she really makes the decision about what he/she thinks or feels, but will use feelings to manipulate the woman. Harder to catch are claims that "you make me happy," "you control how I feel. HYPERSENSITIVITY: An abuser is easily insulted, he/she claims their feelings are "hurt" when really he's/she's very mad or he/she takes the slightest setbacks as personal attacks. He/she will "rant and rave" about the injustice of things that have happened—things that are really just part of living like being asked to work overtime, getting a traffic ticket, being told some behavior is annoying, being asked to help with chores. CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN: This is a person who punishes animals brutally or is insensitive to their pain or suffering, he/she may expect children to be capable for doing things beyond their ability (whips a two year old for wetting a diaper) or he/she may tease children or young brothers and sisters until they cry (60% of men who beat the women they are with also beat their children). He/she may not want children to eat at the table or expect to keep them in their room all evening while he/she is home. "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE IN SEX: This kind of person may like to throw the woman down and hold her down during sex, he/she may want to act out fantasies during sex where the woman is helpless. He's/she's letting her know that the idea of rape is exciting. He/she may show little concern about whether the woman wants to have sex and uses sulking or anger to manipulate her into compliance. He/she may start having sex with the woman while she is sleeping, or demand sex when she is ill or tired. VERBAL ABUSE: In addition to saying things that are meant to be cruel and hurtful, this can be seen when the abuser degrades the woman, cursing her, running down any of her accomplishments. The abuser will tell the woman that she's stupid and unable to function without him/her. This may involve waking the woman up to verbally abuse her or not letting her go to sleep. RIGID SEX ROLES: The abuser expects a woman to serve them; he/she may say the woman must stay at home, that she must obey in all things—even things that are criminal in nature. The abuser will see women as inferior to men, responsible for menial tasks, stupid, and unable to be a whole person without a relationship. DR.JEKYLL AND MR.HYDE: Many women are confused by their abuser's "sudden" changes—they may think the abuser has some special mental problem because one minute he's/she's nice and the next he's/she's exploding. Explosiveness and moodiness are typical of people who beat their partners, and these behaviors are related to other characteristics like hypersensitivity. **PAST BATTERING: This person may say he/she has hit women in the past, but they made him/her do it. The woman may hear from relatives or ex-spouses/girlfriends that the person is abusive. A batterer will beat any woman they're with if the woman is with him/her long enough for the violence to begin; situational circumstances do not make a person an abusive personality. **THREATS OF VIOLENCE: This could include any threat of physical force meant to control the woman: "I'll slap your mouth off, " "I'll kill you," "I'll break your neck." Most people do not threaten their mates, but a batterer will try to excuse threats by saying "everybody talks like that." **BREAKING OR STRIKING OBJECTS: This behavior is used as a punishment (breaking loved possessions), but is mostly used to terrorize the woman into submission. The abuser may beat on the table with his/her fist, throw objects around or near the woman. Again, this is very remarkable behavior—not only is this a sign of extreme immaturity, but there's great danger when someone thinks they have the "right" to punish or frighten their wife/girlfriend. **ANY FORCE DURING AN ARGUMENT: This may involve a batterer holding a woman down, physically restraining her from leaving the room, any pushing or shoving. They may hold the woman against the wall and say "you're going to listen to me!"

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8th Transfer from 360

• It's better to come from a broken home then to live in one
  
• It takes courage to make the changes necessary for a life that feeds your soul
  
• When someone shows you who they are, believe them. -- Maya Angelou
  
• "Don't let your past dictate who you are, but let it be a part of who you become" MBFGW
  
• "It takes a long time to grow an old friend." - John Leonard
  
• Ralph Waldo Emerson: "It is impossible for a man to be cheated by anyone but himself."
  
• "I speak my mind, because biting my tongue hurts"--Mr. Elliott
  
• “People aren't ready for new jobs, children, free time - but they take them when they come” – Jude Elliot
  
• "Nothing in all the World is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." Martin Luther King 1963
  
• "Discrimination is a Hellhound that gnaws at Negroes in every waking moment of their lives to remind them that the lie of their inferiority is accepted as truth in the society dominating them." Martin Luther King 1967
  
• "There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love." Martin Luther King 1963
  
• "The means by which we live have outdistanced the ends for which we live. Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missles and misguided men." - Martin Luther King
  
• 'Wars are poor chisels for carving out peaceful tommorows." - Martin Luther King
  
• There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. -- Albert Einstein
  
• "I'm not always at the party. The party is always at me." -- Keala Brown
  
• "I'm not afraid of falling. I fall all the time" - Keala Brown
  
• "You can't fall if you're not up on both feet" - Keala Brown
  
• "Fear is the challenge of facing an unknown outcome; Good or bad. Freedom is embracing the challenge. Throw your head back,hold your hands out, and enjoy the ride!"
  
• I created a vision of David in my mind and simply carved away everything that was not David. - Michelangelo Buonarroti
  
• There is no one alive that is youer than you.~ Dr. Seuss
  
• Be who you are and say what you feel, because those that mind don't matter and those that matter don't mind.~ Dr. Seuss
  

Tags: quotations Edit Tags

7th Transfer from 360

Call & Respond

Mon 8/8/2005 11:27 AM
I’ve been very busy today, but you’re on my mind and in my heart.
KJ
Monday, August 08, 2005 11:36 AM
I thought you should know that you are my heart....
RG
Mon, 8 Aug 2005 14:28:19 -0400
Am I your heart or am I in your heart?
KJ
Monday, August 08, 2005 3:48 PM
You are...
RG
Mon, 8 Aug 2005 16:13:57 -0400
I am what? The question was am I "in your heart", or am I your heart?
KJ
Mon 8/8/2005 4:20 PM
you are my heart because you came from me, you are in my heart because as I slept you were being made for me from me, therefore you are both my heart and in my heart for you have return to the source in which the creator have made you from.
RG
Mon, 8 Aug 2005 16:28:54 -0400
Wow. There you go blowing my mind again. It feels good to return to where I belong (to you). I'm happy to be back with you.
KJ
Mon 8/8/2005 4:32 PM
Welcome home
RG

Wed 8/24/2005 4:51 PM
What happens to your heart when you allow yourself to become vulnerable to another person?
Do you sit back and keep a constant watchful eye on the situation and the other person?
Do you purposefully allow your heart to be vulnerable to another person, or does it just happen?
Who is in control of the “open heart” to “open heart” relationship?
What is the result of one heart shutting down on another heart?
When one heart shuts down on the other heart is the connection automatically broken?
If that connection is broken, how does the other heart feel?
Does it feel pain, loneliness, despair, emptiness, anguish, rejection?
When you allow yourself to become vulnerable to another person, you also face the possibility of having your heart warmed by that other person.
Is that where the term “warmhearted” comes from?
warmhearted adj : marked by warmth of feeling like kindness and sympathy and generosity; "gave a warmhearted welcome to the stranger"
v. warmed, warm·ing, warms
v. tr. To raise slightly in temperature; make warm: warmed the rolls a bit more; warm up the house.
To make zealous or ardent; enliven.
To fill with pleasant emotions: We were warmed by the sight of home.
If I allow my heart to be warmed by you, I’m actually allowing you to make my heart zealous, ardent, and enlivened.
You have the opportunity to fill my heart with pleasant emotions.
My heart then becomes passionate, dedicated and devoted to you.
Do I want to allow this? Or is it too late for such questions?
Can I stop a process already ordained by the Most High God?
You’ve already warmed my heart. Now what are you going to do?
Caress it?
Protect it?
Cover it?
Shield it?
Make it yours?
What are you going to do now?
Michelle Brown

Tags: relationships, dating, reallife Edit Tags

Friday December 30, 2005 - 11:18am (EST)

6th Transfer from 360

How to tell if he's changing or not changing

HOW TO TELL HE’S CHANGING

*He acknowledges and accepts responsibility for what he’s done, fully acknowledges that he used abuse to control you and that it was wrong, and he isn’t blaming you, other people, his stress, his job, or any other outside circumstances for his choices. He is no longer denying it, making light of it, or making excuses for it. He acknowledges that he chose to behave this way instead of saying that other people made him do it, or that he can’t control himself. He fully understands and acknowledges that what he did was wrong. He admits lies, he admits what he’s done and is not longer making up stories to make himself look better. He is no longer trying to hide his behavior from others. He understands that recovery from abusiveness takes a long time and he’ll have to work at it for a long, long time.

*He understands what his behavior has cost you. He understands fully that you and your children have been hurt by what he’s done, and the ways in which you’ve been hurt. He will talk about it with you in depth about how you feel, your fear, your hurt, your anger, your rights, your lack of trust for him and understands fully that it is his behavior that has caused it. When you express anger at him, he listens instead of getting angry and trying to shout you down, threatening you or trying to convince you that something’s wrong with you for feeling that way. He is sorry for what he’s done, and is working hard to overcome the damage he’s done and is actively making up for it by giving you back what is rightfully yours - money, rights, freedoms, choices, etc.. He understands that it will take his victims a long time to recover from what he’s done to them.

*He is proving to you that he understands that you’re a human being with rights and is no longer trying to take them away from you. No more double standards. He understands that you’re an equal human being, and he’s not superior to you. He’s pulling his weight. He’s respecting your opinions, even the ones with disagree with his. He’s accepting your right to be angry with him for what he’s done, and you can talk about his abuse with him.

*He’s respecting your right to independence and your right to freedom. He stops interfering in your friendships and family relationships and you are able to re-establish and repair these, and make new friends. He stops monitoring your movements, demanding to know where you are and who’s there. He stops expecting sex on demand. He is taking into account how you’re affected by his behavior and choices. He’s stopped drinking. He’s stopped doing those things that are inappropriate for a committed relationship. Affairs, keeping all the control over the money, etc..

*He’s fair with money, allowing you to have your assets in your name, a job if you want, etc.. He takes responsibility for what he does and how it affects you and the children. He’s no longer treating you like a servant. He acknowledges the contributions you made to the relationship.

*He is no longer blocking communication, he listens and respects what you have to say. He will discuss with you the controlling behaviors and attitudes he’s had. He listens to you, even when you’re angry instead of trying to bully you or threaten you into shutting up. You are able to express yourself, speak freely and feel safe doing so. You’re able to express your anger, feelings. He accepts your right to be angry and he listens when you express it and thinks about your points, he makes an effort to understand. He listens to you without interrupting and allows your thoughts even if he doesn’t agree. When you discuss his behaviors that hurt you and the children, he takes them seriously and stops them. You can speak and act freely without him retaliating. He’s communicating without manipulation, his usual tactics to block you. If he tries to control you, you can point it out to him and he’ll stop. Accepts feedback, criticism.

*He stops cutting you down and starts focusing on what’s good, your strength and your abilities. He is not putting you down, trying to convince you your perception is off, that you’re crazy, that you’re stupid, etc..

*He stops his abuse. Completely, once and for all. He’s respectful and doesn’t guilt you into things or throw fits. He does not pressure you into things or out of things. He’s not intimidating you, he’s not threatening you. He’s stopped undermining you, and supports you instead. He is making a big effort to be non abusive.

HOW TO TELL HE’S NOT CHANGING
*He says “I can’t change unless you do.” Which means that he’s trying to get you to agree to give up your rights and freedoms in exchange for him not abusing you. Also stated as “I’ve changed, but you aren’t changing”; “I’m not the only one who needs help”.

*He tries to get sympathy from you, family members, and friends. He is still lying to you, the children, your family or other people about what he’s done. He continues to attempt to cover up what he’s done to you and the children. He won’t acknowledge that it was wrong. He doesn’t seem sorry that he did it, he only seems sorry that he has suffered some consequences for it.

*He refuses to let the subject of his abuse come up or gets angry when it does. He won’t discuss his controlling behaviors and attitudes. He still tries to deny it, minimize it, excuse it, or justify it. Defends his behaviors. He insists you just get past it.

*He plays victim. He says “How could you do this to me.?” He still whines and blames you for all the problems.

*He is overly charming, always trying to remind you of all the good times you had together and ignore the bad. He tries to buy you back with romantic gifts, dinners, flowers. All while trying to convince you that you need to stay together to work it out.

*He will not get help or He says he’ll get counseling or other help, but never does. Or he does and tries to convince you that he’s cured and you need to take him back now. “Now that I’m in this program, you have to be more understanding.” Or “I’m learning a lot from this program”. If a man is pressuring you this way, then as soon as he gets back in, he will most likely drop the program. This is why it’s so critical, if you’re considering taking him back, to watch his behaviors, to talk in depth, and to give it time. Sometimes, instead of counseling they will suddenly claim to have found God; he goes to church a few times.

*He cries and begs, they particularly like to do this in a public situation so that you are embarrassed and appear to be "cold hearted”.

*He does things to try to sabotage your efforts to make it on your own.

*He harasses or stalks you. If you ask him for space or time, he refuses to allow you to have any and continues to make contact in any way he can. Harassment by phone calls, threats, legal frustrations, showing up at work, hanging around family.

*He continues to restrict your rights. He still behaves as if he’s superior. You aren’t able to express yourself and speak freely. He still demands constant attention, won’t allow you to take care of your own needs. He still picks at you and criticizes you, and ignores your strengths and contributions to the relationship. He doesn’t support your independence, still refuses to acknowledge that you have rights. He hangs on to double standards. He is still denying you your fair share of the marital assets, money. He puts his wants and needs above yours.

*He doesn’t recognize the damage he’s done. He gets angry with you over the consequences you’ve suffered over his abuse. He’s mad or seems confused as to why you fear him, don’t trust him, are hurt, and angry. He tries to get out of the consequences by trying to convince you that something’s wrong with you for allowing him to have any consequences. He behaves as if he’s above reproach. He claims that he would never hurt you, despite that he’s done many things to hurt you. He’s mad that you left, instead of recognizing your right to have done so. He still acts like you owe him. He’s impatient or critical with you for not forgiving him immediately, for not being satisfied with the changes he may have already made, especially if he hasn’t made the changes you requested, or hasn’t changed but claims he has.

*He’s only concerned with how hard the situation is for him, and no one else. He feels sorry for himself. He doesn’t show appropriate concern for how you and the children feel about what he’s done. Abuse does more than just hurt, it is damaging, and if he doesn't show appropriate concern for the damage he's done, then he hasn't changed.

*He still does things that are inappropriate for an intimate relationship. Cheating, not including you in family decisions, hoarding all the marital assets – money, property, cars, stocks, bonds, etc. and won’t allow you to have access to them.

*He says he can only change if you help him, he wants emotional support and forgiveness, and give up your break from him.

*He says I’m changing but you can see that he’s not. He gets angry with you for not realizing how much he’s changed. He gets angry for not trusting that he’s changed for good. Abusive men often say I’m sorry then get mad if you don’t immediately forget what they did, he thinks his sorry resolves the matter and it should be dropped and you should just move forward.

*He pressures you into taking him back because he can’t wait forever.

*He trash talks you to the children.

*He threatens and tries to intimidate you. The next step of behavior is generally one of threats and attempts to intimidate. This will often include threats to attack family and friends, threats to kill you or "put out a contract on you." Threats that he will take the children away or get custody of them himself, or threats to kill himself.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
- Maya Angelou

You have new Picture Mail!

5th Transfer from 360

I need a vacation from the holiday
Wow am I tired. I need a vacation just to recover from this holiday. I went skating everyday last week and this week. Actually ten days in a row for several hours a day and now I'm worn out. It was great exercise.
The Christmas Eve party at my dad's was great. We had a wonderful time with the family. They even complimented me on my weight gain. They said I look good with a few extra pounds. I won't tell how many extra pounds I've gained.
The wasbund was his usual stupid self over the holidays. That's ok, because I have a nice little surprise for him. I'm sure he'll have a fit over it.
Well, back to work and too tired from the holiday to be very productive.
Tags: rollerskating, dailylife Edit Tags
Wednesday December 28, 2005 - 10:27am (EST)

Dedicated to the 360 Development Team

First they try to pass Mash off as some "new" improved "thing" .

WhatEva!

Then they pretend to be interested in our concerns.

Then they tell us they plan to "EVOLVE" 360.

Then when I log in this morning, my GROUPS ARE GONE!!!!!

SOMETHING SMELLS FUNNY....

4th transfer from 360

Who are you?
You are whose you are. Who you are, whose you are.

If you are a Christian, you belong to God the Father, Jesus the Son and the Holy Spirit.

The first thing God tells you about yourself is in Genesis 1:26-27

1:26 - "Then God said, 'Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground."

1:27 - "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them"

image - statue - a reproduction - the same word used for idol.

The first thing God tells us about ourselves, is that we are little statues of Him, replicas of Him. Which is why we need to be very careful not to let our relationships & people have power over us because our God is a jealous God. Don't worship other people (make them #1 in our lives over Him).

Our physical bodies reflect the spiritual image of God. Psalm 94:9 says "Does he who implanted the ear not hear? Does he who formed the eye not see?" There was sight & seeing before there were eyes & ears.

Our spiritual image reflects God's Spirit, because he gave us His Spirit. Genesis 2:7 - "the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life (from His Spirit), and the man became a living being"

That breath of life is your spirit from God, of God, and for the worshipping of God.

God's eternal nature and essence is comprised of His infinite attributes or character qualities.

We need to be very clear that when he gave us His spirit, He also gave us qualities like His, and power like His.

Because I am like Him created in His image, I also have power like His through that same spirit with the help of the Holy Spirit.

Acts 1:8 says "But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."

We also have the power to speak life and death as Gos has.
Tags: spirituality, meme | Edit Tags



Tuesday December 27, 2005 - 11:35am (EST)

3rd transfer from 360

The beginnings of "The Whore House of Adultery" - more to come later...
Earlier this year while studying the following passages from Proverbs, The Holy Spirit gave me revelation of what I call "The Whore House of Adultery". I received immediate revelation from the text highlighted in yellow, then later came revelation from the text highlighted in aqua, then later more revelation from the rest of the text. I'll post all of the revelation later. If you have any comments, please respond I'd love to hear from you....

Proverbs 3:33

View commentary related to this passage


33The curse of the Lord is in and on the house of the wicked, but He declares blessed (joyful and favored with blessings) the home of the just and consistently righteous.(A)



Proverbs 4:23-27 (Amplified Bible)
23Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life.
24Put away from you false and dishonest speech, and willful and contrary talk put far from you.

25Let your eyes look right on [with fixed purpose], and let your gaze be straight before you.

26Consider well the path of your feet, and let all your ways be established and ordered aright.

27Turn not aside to the right hand or to the left; remove your foot from evil.


Proverbs 5
1MY SON, be attentive to my Wisdom [godly Wisdom learned by actual and costly experience], and incline your ear to my understanding [of what is becoming and prudent for you],
2That you may exercise proper discrimination and discretion and your lips may guard and keep knowledge and the wise answer [to temptation].

3For the lips of a loose woman drip honey as a honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil;(A)

4But in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged and devouring sword.

5Her feet go down to death; her steps take hold of Sheol (Hades, the place of the dead).

6She loses sight of and walks not in the path of life; her ways wind about aimlessly, and you cannot know them.

7Now therefore, my sons, listen to me, and depart not from the words of my mouth.

8Let your way in life be far from her, and come not near the door of her house [avoid the very scenes of temptation],(B)

9Lest you give your honor to others and your years to those without mercy,

10Lest strangers [and false teachings] take their fill of your strength and wealth and your labors go to the house of an alien [from God]--

11And you groan and mourn when your end comes, when your flesh and body are consumed,

12And you say, How I hated instruction and discipline, and my heart despised reproof!

13I have not obeyed the voice of my teachers nor submitted and consented to those who instructed me.

14[The extent and boldness of] my sin involved almost all evil [in the estimation] of the congregation and the community.

15[a]Drink waters out of your own cistern [of a pure marriage relationship], and fresh running waters out of your own well.

16Should your offspring be dispersed abroad as water brooks in the streets?

17[Confine yourself to your own wife] let your children be for you alone, and not the children of strangers with you.

18Let your fountain [of human life] be blessed [with the rewards of fidelity], and rejoice in the wife of your youth.

19Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant doe [tender, gentle, attractive]--let her bosom satisfy you at all times, and always be transported with delight in her love.

20Why should you, my son, be infatuated with a loose woman, embrace the bosom of an outsider, and go astray?

21For the ways of man are directly before the eyes of the Lord, and He [Who would have us live soberly, chastely, and godly] carefully weighs all man's goings.(C)

22His own iniquities shall ensnare the wicked man, and he shall be held with the cords of his sin.

23He will die for lack of discipline and instruction, and in the greatness of his folly he will go astray and be lost.



Tags: spirituality | Edit Tags
Friday December 16, 2005 - 10:13am (EST)

2nd entry of transferring stuff from 360

More stuff from my journal
July 24, 2005





You held me

You saw what I needed and you gently held me

You held my shoulders

You held my heart

You caressed it and you were gentle, kind, sweet, giving, honest, and pure with my heart

You sought that thing out just for the sole purpose of nurturing it to make it able to receive love

You saw me

I was rough and hard, yet sweet and gentle at the same time

You saw my rough edges

You saw my hard facade, yet you could also see the sweet and gentle spirit within

You saw me when I didn't want to be seen

You saw me in my fear and boldness and you saw me for me

You saw me


Tags: poetry | Edit Tags



Wednesday December 14, 2005 - 12:38pm (EST)

1st entry in Transferring stuff from 360

Poem from my journal July 24, 2005
You kissed me

You touched me

You reached down into me and found that which was hidden

You found what I tried to hide and protect from this cruel cold world

I'm writing again like I did many years ago.

Thank you for finding what is precious to me and caressing it as if it is precious to you as well.

I hesitate to say, but you found me, my essence, my being, my heart, the me that I didn't want others to see.

You found me.....


Tags: poetry | Edit Tags



Wednesday December 14, 2005 - 12:26pm