I Can Now Go Out In Public - Smelling LIKE OLD LADY!

I had to redeem myself from that last video.  Mama will be proud.  I don't even remember what I was talking about in this video.  But anyway I gots a story about Allan to share.

Kids say the darnedest things again.  Everyday after I pick up Allan from school, we go to pick up the babies from daycare.  Their daycare smells like moth balls because the director or owner or somebody was trying to "HIDE" some other odor in the building.  I don't know what that other odor was.  Anyway, the first time Allan walked into that daycare, he noticed that "moth ball" smell and he didn't like it.

So on Friday after we picked up the girls we had to go pick up William from school.  As we were on the way to William's school, we had to drive pass TJ's old high school which was being renovated at the time.  When Allan noticed the school and the renovations he said, "TJ's old school is nice and the cafeteria smells good.  Our cafeteria smells like Old Lady!"

I was shocked so I HAD to ask, "Old Lady?  What does Old Lady smell like?"
He frowned and replied, "It smells like the babies' daycare!"

My initial reaction was, "Ewww!"  followed by a loud laugh.  It was just funny to me the way he matter of factly shared this.  I had to ask another question, "Who do you know who smells like Old Lady?"  I was afraid of what the possible answer or answers could be, hoping to God he would not implicate me or my mom.

"My teacher Mrs. HerNameShallBeNamelessForProtection!"

Again I laughed out loud.  Poor little Allan must have thought I was having a laughing fit.  Although I was laughing, I was still able to ask, "What does she smell like?"

"She smells like a glue stick."

We were both laughing now.  This pretty much ended the conversation.  Mainly because I felt and still feel so sorry for my young son that he is FORCED to endure so many unpleasant smells during the course of a regular school day: Old Lady, moth balls, and glue stick, and not to mention his own stinky feet.

This conversation did bring to my memories the old lady smell of the older ladies in church growing up.  They smelled like a combination of moth balls and Charlie.  If you don't know Charlie, click the link and you'll see what I'm talking about.  YUCK.

Age Has its Benefits

The Old Dog

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo safari in Africa , taking her faithful, elderly poodle named Cuddles, along for the company.

One day the old poodle starts chasing butterflies and before long, Cuddles discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard! I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees. "Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says...

"Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!

Moral of this story....

Don't mess with the old dogs...age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery! B.S. and brilliance only come with age and experience.

Boss To English Translator

A parody on "must-have" office handbooks, "Cube Monkeys: A Handbook for Surviving the Office Jungle" by The Editors of CareerBuilder.com and Second City Communications (Collins) offers laugh-out-loud advice on how to make it through the workday.

Full of irreverent humor from Second City Communications, the corporate division of the world renowned comedy theatre The Second City, "Cube Monkeys" features top 10 lists, quizzes, step-by-step guides, games and hilarious advice that will help make the longest 40 hours of the week seem a little less unbearable.

Here's an excerpt:

Boss-to-English Translator:
What your boss says and what he really means

Do you ever feel a trip to your boss's office is like a trip to a foreign country? Nice view, but no speaka dee English? In order to ensure that none of the buck passing, put- downing, or one- upping is lost in translation, make sure to bring along this cheat sheet so you know what the big enchilada is really trying to say.

"Great job on the report!"
Translation: "I'm taking credit for your work."

"I have to attend an off-site meeting."
Translation: "I'm having an affair."

"Let me give you some broadstroke ideas and you can fill in the rest."
Translation: "I still haven't learned how to create an Excel document."

"Headquarters has assured me we will not be affected by the merger."
Translation: "You are going to be fired."

"I'm not sure if what you are suggesting is in alignment with our core competencies."
Translation: "What exactly do we do again?"

"This office is a family and my door is always open if you ever need to powwow with Papa Bear."
Translation: "I am a tool."

"I'll be out of the office for a couple hours with senior management, but you can reach me on my mobile."
Translation: "I'm playing golf."

"I'll be off-site and unreachable for the rest of the afternoon."
Translation: "I'm playing golf and I expect to be very, very drunk."

"I think we should order in some lunch for the team."
Translation: "None of you are getting a raise. Enjoy your pizza."

"I don't want to have to micromanage this whole operation!"
Translation: "I'm the boss because I made good business contacts at my Ivy League university; I don't know how to actually do things."

"This came down from up top."
Translation: "I have no real power."

"I can't give you an answer at this moment. Let me survey the situation and see what we can leverage out of it."
Translation: "Oh God, I wish I was still in sales!"

"It's good to see you take such bold initiative!"
Translation: "You are a threat to me. You will be fired the next time we so much as run out of coffee."

"I'll think about it."
Translation: "I'll tell you no in an e-mail, long after I've left the office."

"Did you finish those projections I asked you about on Friday?"
Translation: "I completely forgot to ask you about the projections on Friday, and I'm hoping your memory is even worse than mine."

"This is a very sensitive issue."
Translation: "I may need you to shred some documents."

"Let's push the boundaries on this one. We need something really innovative! Throw out the conventions, I want something edgy!"
Translation: "Present only safe, traditional ideas to me. I wouldn't know what to do with innovation if my life depended on it."

"We're going to be pulling some long hours and I'll be right here with the rest of you."
Translation: "My home life is miserable."

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news."
Translation: "Disappointing you is the only pleasure I have left in my dead-end, crappy job."

<A HREF="http://www.pageresource.com/linkus.htm" target="_blank">
Link to us!</A>

Visit http://www.careerbuilder.com/cubemonkeys to read more excerpts, watch hilarious videos and buy the book.

Laughter is good medicine

Post your jokes here in the comments section please. I need some funny therapy today.