A Peek Into My Lifetime Drama

We met the summer of 1987. Immediately he wanted to know everything about me including all of my sexual history including details. I refused to tell him everything and was told that it was very important for him to know. When I told him he did not believe me. He was sure that there was more to my story. He hounded me for years about what he thought I was lying about. I was too young to know any better.

We eloped in the summer of 1989. He had orders to Hawaii and told me that if I didn’t marry him, it would never happen. At times I feel that I should not have married him, but I did any way because I wanted to see Hawaii. Those orders were cancelled and we went to England instead.

Six months after we were married, I found out that I was pregnant. During the pregnancy I stayed at home and kept the house immaculately clean. He complained anyway. During my pregnancy he also hounded me about everything that happened before the marriage. I hated it and begged him to stop. I was completely honest with him, but he was mean and very demanding. He did nothing to help out around the house.

Shortly after the baby was born, he demanded that I get a job to help him with our little expenses. I really wanted to stay at home with my baby, but I bowed to his desires again. How stupid of me. I should have stayed home and let him take care of his family like a real Christian man should. After all he was professing to be a Christian man.

While in England, we didn’t have a phone. Whenever we wanted to call home, we had to walk to a pay phone to make the calls. Every time we called he didn’t want me to talk to his family for some strange reason. Little did I know that what he was doing was called “isolation”.

Blah Blah Blog

Why do I blog?

At first it was because I had nothing better to do. Then it became sort of an online journal. Then it became fun. Then it became addictive, sort of.

Then REAL life hit and I didn't have the time. Not that I didn't have any topics to blog about. I just didn't have the time to actually sit down and write what was on my mind. I guess tonight I do have the time to actually sit down and actually write what's on my mind.

One reason why I didn't have the time is because time is money and I wasn't making any money blogging. Not one brown, dusty, rusty penny. Not one silver, shiny dime. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

I really wanted to blog during my blogation(blog vacation). Really I did, but I needed some cash. I was too busy trying to find creative ways to pay the mortgage, light bill, water bill, cell phone bill, grocery bill, insurance. You know - basic life necessities.

Honestly, I really did want to blog and I the less I blogged in an effort to make the almighty dollar, the more I wanted to get paid to blog. Then I began my research on getting paid to blog.

The first site I found was PayPerPost. I logged on, registered and my blog was DENIED!

Then I tried google adsense. They gave me 44 cents to see if my account was right. That's it. Just 44 cents.

Then I went to thenewsroom.com. They say I'll get paid every time someone watches the following video.

We'll see about that one.

The next site I found was blogitive. You have to apply and have your blog approved. Since I just applied I don't know yet. I will be notified in 2 business days of my acceptance.

I'm still looking to get paid to blog. We'll see. Right now, I'm going to find some more opportunities.

Have a great day.

7th Transfer from 360

Call & Respond

Mon 8/8/2005 11:27 AM
I’ve been very busy today, but you’re on my mind and in my heart.
KJ
Monday, August 08, 2005 11:36 AM
I thought you should know that you are my heart....
RG
Mon, 8 Aug 2005 14:28:19 -0400
Am I your heart or am I in your heart?
KJ
Monday, August 08, 2005 3:48 PM
You are...
RG
Mon, 8 Aug 2005 16:13:57 -0400
I am what? The question was am I "in your heart", or am I your heart?
KJ
Mon 8/8/2005 4:20 PM
you are my heart because you came from me, you are in my heart because as I slept you were being made for me from me, therefore you are both my heart and in my heart for you have return to the source in which the creator have made you from.
RG
Mon, 8 Aug 2005 16:28:54 -0400
Wow. There you go blowing my mind again. It feels good to return to where I belong (to you). I'm happy to be back with you.
KJ
Mon 8/8/2005 4:32 PM
Welcome home
RG

Wed 8/24/2005 4:51 PM
What happens to your heart when you allow yourself to become vulnerable to another person?
Do you sit back and keep a constant watchful eye on the situation and the other person?
Do you purposefully allow your heart to be vulnerable to another person, or does it just happen?
Who is in control of the “open heart” to “open heart” relationship?
What is the result of one heart shutting down on another heart?
When one heart shuts down on the other heart is the connection automatically broken?
If that connection is broken, how does the other heart feel?
Does it feel pain, loneliness, despair, emptiness, anguish, rejection?
When you allow yourself to become vulnerable to another person, you also face the possibility of having your heart warmed by that other person.
Is that where the term “warmhearted” comes from?
warmhearted adj : marked by warmth of feeling like kindness and sympathy and generosity; "gave a warmhearted welcome to the stranger"
v. warmed, warm·ing, warms
v. tr. To raise slightly in temperature; make warm: warmed the rolls a bit more; warm up the house.
To make zealous or ardent; enliven.
To fill with pleasant emotions: We were warmed by the sight of home.
If I allow my heart to be warmed by you, I’m actually allowing you to make my heart zealous, ardent, and enlivened.
You have the opportunity to fill my heart with pleasant emotions.
My heart then becomes passionate, dedicated and devoted to you.
Do I want to allow this? Or is it too late for such questions?
Can I stop a process already ordained by the Most High God?
You’ve already warmed my heart. Now what are you going to do?
Caress it?
Protect it?
Cover it?
Shield it?
Make it yours?
What are you going to do now?
Michelle Brown

Tags: relationships, dating, reallife Edit Tags

Friday December 30, 2005 - 11:18am (EST)