13. Frida Kahlo

I was so impressed with her passion I had to share her story. I love that 55 of her 143 paintings are self portraits. I believe that is bold and self loving in a non-narcissistic way.
Not only is she a beautiful woman to look at, I love looking at her art work. She has several self portraits where she paints what’s on her mind right in the middle of her forehead. I enjoy her artwork because every piece has message worth receiving.
I find Frida bold, complicated, loving, someone I would love have a few cups of Starbucks with.
I was prompted to add Frida to my list after reading about her husband Diego Rivera on his birthday. Google honored him with a doodle on his 125th birthday December 8, 2011.
Links to Frida:

• Frida on Amy Brown’s site
• Frida on Wikipedia
• Frida’s Musuem
• Frida on PBS
• Frida on Artcyclopedia
• Frida on Google

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Boiled Blood

Sistahs, I’m NOT Happy with some of YOU!

Why?  Because there are some of you who make cheating, no good men feel it’s ok to do what they do.  If I’m blogging, writing, talking to you, then you KNOW I’m talking to you and you should read this entire post to learn something TODAY.   Otherwise, I may be preaching to the choir, and that’s ok because the choir can add input from their perspective in the comments section.

Enablers – Some women are enablers.  They enable a sorry man to continue living a sorry life.   The dictionary defines an enabler as: “one that enables another to achieve an end; especially: one who enables another to persist in self-destructive behavior (as substance abuse) by providing excuses or by making it possible to avoid the consequences of such behavior”

I especially like that last part.  The making it possible for the sorry so in so to avoid the consequences of BAD behavior by taking him back time and time again.  Some examples are: women who pay bills for the bad with money man, women who let the no job man live in her house she is paying for while he does nothing to contribute to the household in ANYWAY whatsoever, women who say cheaters are men just being men because all men cheat.  NEWSFLASH:  ALL MEN DO NOT CHEAT!!!


Project Managers – Some women are project managers.  They think they can fix or change a man who inevitably becomes a project for them.  Project managers think that having a man, no matter how sorry he may be, is better than NOT having a man.  They think that loving that project and working on it will make it all better.  Not so.

Here’s my beef with all the women who take crap from men over and over again.  When your relationship with SOS (Stuck On Stupid) is over, he comes to a woman like me expecting me to put up with what you put up with.  I AM NOT THAT WOMAN!  I confess, once upon a time I was that woman.  I had to go to counseling and read books and WORK ON ME!  Hence, I’m not that woman. 

• I’ve learned to be content with just me. 
• I’ve learned to live without having my focus be on a man either as my problem or as a solution to my problems. 
• I’ve learned to love me more than I love him. 
• I’ve learned to walk in my destiny and live life on my terms. 
• I’ve learned that I am my own project and I have so much in life to be thankful for than to be taking on special projects. 
• I’ve learned so much.

My hope, desire, prayer is that all Women Who Love Too Much get a clue and stop putting up with mess so these men will stop trying to take that mess to  good women who don’t deserve the mess.

After reading this post, I just realized that I’m inadvertently promoting the Robin Norwood book Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change .  Go read it and read it again and tell me what you think.

Are you or someone you know guilty of anything I've described above?
Do you know anybody who has RECOVERED from this syndrome?
Please share.  I'm so curious.

Thoughts of a Black Man

My cousin forwarded this email to my bff and me a few years ago.  I was cleaning out my inbox when I ran across this.  I just had to share it.

You know after seeing you today I just had to send this to you and my cousin. Be careful out there and know that I love ya!

Tim

----- Original Message -----

This statement is from a man on Black Voices.

 

 

Bottom line—if I sleep with a woman I don't know or care about SEX is NOT going to make me care.  (I stopped that years ago) That kind of sex is like scratching an itch.  Once a man scratches, he's through.  He ain't sitting around thinking about that spot that itched or how good it felt scratching it.  He's moving on with his life until that spot itches again and it don't matter which hand he scratches it with, just as long as he gets rid of the itch.

 

Too many women PRETEND they can handle a sexual fling, but wind up getting caught up and wanting us to romance and wine and dine them and pretend we're having a "relationship" when it's NOTHING but a booty call.  Come on, ladies, y'all know I'm telling the truth.

 

Unfortunately, ladies you are part of our problem.  You sleep with us BEFORE you know us or what we're about.  Having sex with a man does not automatically make that a "relationship".  Many women will deny they think like this but I'm speaking from personal experience.  Also, ladies know when their men are fooling around and still turn a blind eye by getting mad at the other woman.  Now, what kind of sense does that make?  Why should that woman make YOU (a total stranger) a priority in her life?  IF HE DID NOT MARRY YOU HE IS STILL SINGLE.  The "other woman" is not breaking up a "happy home".

 

Many women marry men who were cheating BEFORE they walked down the aisle and then are SHOCKED that a fancy wedding dress or an expensive walk down the aisle didn't change who he was.  Why should he change?  YOU let him know it was acceptable by sticking around that long.

 

Ladies, start living with your eyes OPEN.  Most shady men give themselves away one way or another, usually before the first 30 days.  Women have to stop "rewarding" unfaithful men by pretending it ain't happening.  All of us Black Men (BM) do not cheat.  I do not cheat on my lady so don't buy the hype.  I know other black men who do not but many men WILL cheat if there are NO real penalties for it.

 

Stop jumping into bed with brothers YOU DON'T KNOW.  That means fewer opportunities for men to cheat.  Women have to STOP being so afraid to ask the important questions that would reveal his TRUE lifestyle.  Worry less about what kind of job he has and what kind of car he drives and encourage him to talk about his past, particularly his past with women.  OPEN those ears and listen.  Does he put down his ex-women and blame them for everything?  And don't be so vain.  You are NOT a better woman than his last.  If he dogged her out, you will probably be NEXT.

 

Observe him when you are with him.  Do you have his home number?  Work number?  Have you seen where he lives?  Where he works?  Is he secretive?  Did you ask if he's married or engaged?  How does he treat other people?

 

Listen to what he says, NOT what you want to hear.  Stop INTERPRETING the meaning of what he says to fit your purposes.  If he says, "I'm not looking' for nothing right now" – DON'T tell yourself, "Aw, he just scared of getting hurt.  I can change his mind."  NO YOU CAN'T.  He said exactly what the hell he meant.  BM don't have to lie when so many BW are already DEAF.

 

If you can't answer BASIC questions about a man DON'T OPEN YOUR LEGS.  I could kinda understand back in the days when sex wouldn't KILL people but now?  There's no excuse and if a BW takes that huge risk of sleeping with a STRANGER then she better protect herself—sexually AND emotionally.

 

Show our @ss to the door if we pressure you for sex too soon.  Don't be afraid to be alone.  After you give our @ss some you will probably be alone anyway but now you feel like a fool.  In other words, take you time and check us out.  If we REALLY like you, we'll stick around.  BUT if you decided to sleep with a man you hardly know, PROTECT yourself and keep your expectations to ZERO.  We do not owe you a relationship or another date just because you had sex with us.  That's not how it works, baby.

 

I have TOO many female friends who give me horror stories that could have been avoided if they'd done their homework first OR moved SLOWER before giving up the panties.  I try as a BM to give them the best advice I can but that won't mean a doggone thing if BW continue to live in a dream world.

 

You are TOTALLY RESPONSIBLE for you own sexual behavior the same as I am.  Blaming the man won't change a damn thing.  BW have to look in the mirror and take SOME of the blame for what's wrong with BM/BW relationships.  Let me end by saying….

 

SEX DOES NOT = A RELATIONSHIP

 

GIVING A MAN READY-MADE FAMILY WILL NOT MAKE HIM COMMIT IF HE DOESN'T WANT TO

 

A MAN WILL NOT RESPECT A WOMAN WHO DOES NOT RESPECT HERSELF OR HER BODY

 

IF YOU TRADE SEX FOR MATERIAL THINGS YOU ARE PROSTITUTING YOURSELF

 

IF HE DOESN'T TAKE CARE OF HIS OTHER CHILDREN WHY WOULD YOU HAVE A BABY WITH HIM?

 

IF YOU REWARD A DOG WHY SHOULD MEN STOP BEING DOGS?

 

BRING MORE TO THE TABLE THAN YOUR BODY.  NO YOUR STUFF IS NOT MADE OF GOLD.  IT IS ONLY AS GOOD AS I THINK IT IS.  BELIEVE THAT.

On Rating Yourself

DIGGING IN THE CRATES wrote a blog titled “RATE YOURSELF”.

I gave myself a high score because I love Keala Brown. People who know me know that I’m not conceited. I’d like to think I’m a positive person.

Well, here is the point, once upon a time I was P-H-I-O-N-E. That wasn’t too long ago. After my divorce, I gained a lot of weight (25-30lbs). Ouch! But guess what? I am still phione!

Well, what I noticed was when I gained the weight I also gained a lot of admirers. My dad said the weight looks really great on me, so do a few friends. The ones who really noticed were strangers! Yes, strangers. I get approached more now than when I was 25 lbs lighter. I mean I get approached by men almost daily, sometimes several times a day. At Wal*Mart (I still say WM is evil), at the gas station, at the bank, at the park, at the skating rink, where ever I go.
I thought this was kind of odd because when I was smaller in size, I NEVER got approached by men. Well, rarely, not never.

All of this got me to thinking….hmmmm…what kind of women based on looks alone are men more likely to approach? I asked a friend, a male friend that is, the one who approached me in the bank.

“What type of woman based on looks alone are most men more likely to approach?”

“Average looking women. The really fine and pretty ones are usually stuck up and dis brothers. The ugly girls usually think you have ulterior motives and usually dis brothers as well.”

“Hmmmmm….Is that so?”

So, I was right. I used to be fine, now I’m average. Yeah right. Yall know I'm above average. I took this conversation to my girlfriend who is very beautiful. She says she’s rarely approached because she’s on the slim side. I say it’s because she’s gorgeous. I probably get approached more because of my average-ness. She thinks Keala is above average looking and Keala looks friendly when out in public. (Do I look friendly?)

Really? Is that so?

What do you think family?

Also, based on outward appearance alone men, would you prefer Jada Pinkett Smith(small & petite) or Jennifer Hudson(full figured & voluptuous)?

Related blogs:
http://cocoalounge.blogspot.com/2007/01/full-figured-women-shine-at-golden.html
http://celebodies.wordpress.com/about-2/

Related sites:
http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/dsef07/t5.aspx?id=7332
http://www.bodypositive.com/

LESSON LEARNED: True Beauty is within and it shines through without.

6. Sandra Bullock

“I love humor. I always will fall back on humor. That’s something that I think you can’t ever get enough of and, if it’s done well, it’s great. When it’s bad, it’s horrible.”
- Sandra Bullock

I absolutely LOVE Sandra Bullock. She can play a wide range of roles and be believable. She is a wonderful, charming, talented, and beautiful actress.

“Women are like ovens. We need 5 to 15 minutes to heat up.”
- Sandra Bullock

I’ve noticed that she also has great chemistry with Keanu Reeves. They did Speed and The Lake House together. I loved The Lake House. I bought it for myself. I may watch that this weekend. Hmmmmm…

One thing I admire about Sandra is that when she moved to the Big Apple, she enrolled in intensive acting classes while also working as a bartender. Sandra was a bartender for three years while she worked hard at achieving her dream of becoming an actress. Sandra went to every casting call and audition she could.

Sandra got five film roles in ‘93. 1-2-3-4-5. WOW! Her most noticeable film of that year was Demolition Man with costars Sylvester Stallone and Wesley Snipes.

Sandra also she beat out Hollywood heavyweight Demi Moore for the leading role in While You Were Sleeping. In 1996’s A Time To Kill (1996), she began earning a seven-digit salary.

I love the fact that Sandra began her own production company called Fortis Films. Her first project was Hope Floats (1998), starring Harry Connick Jr. and Gena Rowlands. I thought Hope Floats was a very cute movie despite what the funky critics may think. Shoot, I’m a critic. I also liked when she starred opposite Nicole Kidman in Practical Magic. Very smart move Sandra. Another good movie I might add.

In 2004, Sandra appeared in a completely different role as a racist in the Academy Award-winning movie Crash. Again, another believable performance by Ms. Bullock.

She’s funny, spunky, talented, gorgeous, and doin da dang thang! Go Sandra!

See more progress on: list 50 women little girls should admire instead of symbols of stupidity and weakness

5. Tina Turner

Taken From Wikipedia

Tina Turner (born Anna Mae Bullock on November 26, 1939 in Nutbush, Tennessee, United States) is a singer, songwriter, dancer, and actress. She has won eight Grammy Awards Turner’s consistent contributions to rock music have earned her the title The Queen of Rock & Roll. Besides rock music, she has also performed R&B, soul, dance and pop music.

Turner has been acknowledged as one of the world’s most popular and biggest-selling music artists of all time and is the most successful female rock artist of all time with record sales in excess of 180 million. She has sold more concert tickets than any other solo performer in history. To date, Turner has 7 Billboard top 10 singles, 16 US top ten R&B singles, and over 20 Top 40 hits in the UK.

The popular press has referred to Turner favorably as the truest rock diva of all, soul’s first real diva, the most dynamic female soul singer in the history of the music, and one of soul music’s most incendiary performers. Turner is known for her energetic stage presence, vocals, rock concerts, as well as for her long, well-proportioned legs.

See more progress on: list 50 women little girls should admire instead of symbols of stupidity and weakness

The Lost Thimble

A seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, and her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family. The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires.




"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked The seamstress replied, "No."



The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble studded with rubies.







"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, "No."



The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.







"Is this your thimble ?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "Yes." The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.



Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out,! the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?" "Oh Lord,my husband has fallen into the river!"



The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney. "Is this your husband?" the Lord asked.







"Yes," cried the seamstress. The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt.







Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney.



And so the Lord let her keep him.



The moral of this story is:


Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others. That's our story, and we're sticking to it.


Signed,

All Us Women

2. ME

I am a good woman.

I’ve been to hell and survived.

I love being a mom.

I paid for my own college education.

I set goals and complete them. Ok, so I haven’t learned to shoot a gun yet.

I am compassionate and caring.

See more progress on: list 50 women little girls should admire instead of symbols of stupidity and weakness

Daily Meditations for Women Who Love Too Much

Our own recovery must be our first priority if we want to be of help. In order to give something, we have to have it ourselves.