Sunday, November 4, 2007

Lifetime Drama Part III

Shortly after the threesome incident, we moved to Nebraska. During the entire two years there I was angry with God for allowing my husband to succumb to such sin. I felt that if I was a good wife and did what I was told and suppose to do, then every one around me would behave as well. I was so wrong. Lesson learned: It's not always about me. It's not all about me.

While in Nebraska, he asked me to take a polygraph regarding all the stuff from the past he was constantly hounding me about. The test would also include other questions he had that I knew nothing about. He promised that things would be better if I took the test. He promised to be nicer to me. He promised he'd be a better husband. Well I took the polygraph test and passed it. Things didn’t change. They got worse. After the test he told me he didn't believe in them. He spent $300 for something he claimed he didn't believe in. Lesson Learned: Never compromise who you really are to appease someone else's insecurities.

Shortly after the polygraph, he contacted an old girlfriend to apologize for taking her virginity and then marrying me. He kept the email relationship against my wishes. I begged him to stop emailing her. I warned him of the dangers of this type of relationship. He said this was something he had to do and if he had to choose he’d choose his “friendship” with this other woman over his marriage with me. It was then that I emotionally checked out of the relationship. Lesson Learned: It's not all about me. I have to love me more than I love you.

After I emotionally checked out I made plans to leave. He told me he would never divorce me unless I cheated on him. Well, I knew I could make that happen. I pursued a sexual affair with someone he warned me to stay away from just to get back at him and get my divorce. When I told him about my affair, he said he would never divorce me. That was so wrong. I deeply regret my decision to compromise my values. Lesson Learned: Always be true to you. Never let your fears rule your life.

When we moved back to South Carolina, Tony continued his online relationship with Nikkole. I began to seek more counseling at First Baptist Church to help me. This time it was better than the first time. I only saw the married adult minister a few times until I thought it was enough. Lesson Learned: Seek professional help, not laymen's help.

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