Monday, June 6, 2011

Thoughts of a Black Man

My cousin forwarded this email to my bff and me a few years ago.  I was cleaning out my inbox when I ran across this.  I just had to share it.

You know after seeing you today I just had to send this to you and my cousin. Be careful out there and know that I love ya!
Tim
----- Original Message -----



This statement is from a man on Black Voices.
 
 
Bottom line—if I sleep with a woman I don't know or care about SEX is NOT going to make me care.  (I stopped that years ago) That kind of sex is like scratching an itch.  Once a man scratches, he's through.  He ain't sitting around thinking about that spot that itched or how good it felt scratching it.  He's moving on with his life until that spot itches again and it don't matter which hand he scratches it with, just as long as he gets rid of the itch.
 
Too many women PRETEND they can handle a sexual fling, but wind up getting caught up and wanting us to romance and wine and dine them and pretend we're having a "relationship" when it's NOTHING but a booty call.  Come on, ladies, y'all know I'm telling the truth.
 
Unfortunately, ladies you are part of our problem.  You sleep with us BEFORE you know us or what we're about.  Having sex with a man does not automatically make that a "relationship".  Many women will deny they think like this but I'm speaking from personal experience.  Also, ladies know when their men are fooling around and still turn a blind eye by getting mad at the other woman.  Now, what kind of sense does that make?  Why should that woman make YOU (a total stranger) a priority in her life?  IF HE DID NOT MARRY YOU HE IS STILL SINGLE.  The "other woman" is not breaking up a "happy home".
 
Many women marry men who were cheating BEFORE they walked down the aisle and then are SHOCKED that a fancy wedding dress or an expensive walk down the aisle didn't change who he was.  Why should he change?  YOU let him know it was acceptable by sticking around that long.
 
Ladies, start living with your eyes OPEN.  Most shady men give themselves away one way or another, usually before the first 30 days.  Women have to stop "rewarding" unfaithful men by pretending it ain't happening.  All of us Black Men (BM) do not cheat.  I do not cheat on my lady so don't buy the hype.  I know other black men who do not but many men WILL cheat if there are NO real penalties for it.
 
Stop jumping into bed with brothers YOU DON'T KNOW.  That means fewer opportunities for men to cheat.  Women have to STOP being so afraid to ask the important questions that would reveal his TRUE lifestyle.  Worry less about what kind of job he has and what kind of car he drives and encourage him to talk about his past, particularly his past with women.  OPEN those ears and listen.  Does he put down his ex-women and blame them for everything?  And don't be so vain.  You are NOT a better woman than his last.  If he dogged her out, you will probably be NEXT.
 
Observe him when you are with him.  Do you have his home number?  Work number?  Have you seen where he lives?  Where he works?  Is he secretive?  Did you ask if he's married or engaged?  How does he treat other people?
 
Listen to what he says, NOT what you want to hear.  Stop INTERPRETING the meaning of what he says to fit your purposes.  If he says, "I'm not looking' for nothing right now" – DON'T tell yourself, "Aw, he just scared of getting hurt.  I can change his mind."  NO YOU CAN'T.  He said exactly what the hell he meant.  BM don't have to lie when so many BW are already DEAF.
 
If you can't answer BASIC questions about a man DON'T OPEN YOUR LEGS.  I could kinda understand back in the days when sex wouldn't KILL people but now?  There's no excuse and if a BW takes that huge risk of sleeping with a STRANGER then she better protect herself—sexually AND emotionally.
 
Show our @ss to the door if we pressure you for sex too soon.  Don't be afraid to be alone.  After you give our @ss some you will probably be alone anyway but now you feel like a fool.  In other words, take you time and check us out.  If we REALLY like you, we'll stick around.  BUT if you decided to sleep with a man you hardly know, PROTECT yourself and keep your expectations to ZERO.  We do not owe you a relationship or another date just because you had sex with us.  That's not how it works, baby.
 
I have TOO many female friends who give me horror stories that could have been avoided if they'd done their homework first OR moved SLOWER before giving up the panties.  I try as a BM to give them the best advice I can but that won't mean a doggone thing if BW continue to live in a dream world.
 
You are TOTALLY RESPONSIBLE for you own sexual behavior the same as I am.  Blaming the man won't change a damn thing.  BW have to look in the mirror and take SOME of the blame for what's wrong with BM/BW relationships.  Let me end by saying….
 
SEX DOES NOT = A RELATIONSHIP
 
GIVING A MAN READY-MADE FAMILY WILL NOT MAKE HIM COMMIT IF HE DOESN'T WANT TO
 
A MAN WILL NOT RESPECT A WOMAN WHO DOES NOT RESPECT HERSELF OR HER BODY
 
IF YOU TRADE SEX FOR MATERIAL THINGS YOU ARE PROSTITUTING YOURSELF
 
IF HE DOESN'T TAKE CARE OF HIS OTHER CHILDREN WHY WOULD YOU HAVE A BABY WITH HIM?
 
IF YOU REWARD A DOG WHY SHOULD MEN STOP BEING DOGS?
 
BRING MORE TO THE TABLE THAN YOUR BODY.  NO YOUR STUFF IS NOT MADE OF GOLD.  IT IS ONLY AS GOOD AS I THINK IT IS.  BELIEVE THAT.

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