Romantic Love or Something Else?

Say you love me and put it in a love song.

I had a small "discussion" the other day with someone about the Erykah Badu song "Love of My Life (An Ode to Hip Hop)".  We were both saying how much we like/love the song.  Of course I love the song because I love Hip Hop (the hip hop she's singing about in the song of course).  However my comrade thought it was a song about romantic love.  When I told him what it was really about, he didn't believe me.  Hmmm...

There are many love songs written and sung that a huge number of people mistake for romantic love songs.  While driving home from work today, one of them played on my playlist, which prompted me to write this entry about love songs that have not a dern thang to do with romantic love.  I guess another thing that prompted this is the realization that I have so much love in my life that is NOT romantic love and I am grateful for that love that I have from friends and family.

Another LOVE SONG that people get confused with romantic love is Brandy by The O'Jays.  Y'all, they singing bout a dog!

Rihanna's Umbrella is about friendship pure and simple.  I have friends like that and I am a friend like the song describes.  Go have a listen and be the judge for yourself.

Self love is important, especially the self love that also lifts others up.  When I was growing up, my mom always told me to think highly of myself because if I don't, nobody else will.  Granddaddy used to say self preservation is the first law of nature.

I write this post to encourage you to love on yourself more.  I'm not encouraging selfishness, but something entirely different.  How can you love others if you first do not love yourself?  The saying Charity(Love) begins at home means you must love you first in order to love others.

Go on and love you and share the love.

• http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLAFDA5169B83C4901
• http://youtu.be/FuBQj9dPzbs
• http://youtu.be/0IA3ZvCkRkQ

I'm Really Digging Me

Digging You Baby.

Baby, don't you know that I'm digging you?

BFF: He said he was really digging a chick across town.

Me: Yeah, that's what he SAID. But I wanna know what his definition of "digging someone" is.

BFF: I guess he was really feeling her.

Me: Yes, with his fingers, hands, lips and other body parts.

BFF: You think so?

Me: I'm not so sure, but let me tell you what my experience when someone says he's "digging me" versus what I actually want to happen when they are really "digging me".

BFF: Ok, what's your experience with that term?

Me: Dude says he's "digging me" but he constantly looking for the next best thing. He actually told me he was constantly looking for the next best thing. If he was really digging me he would have realized that I was the next best thing.

BFF: You can't be open to receive a man like that.

Me: Exactly.

BFF: Oh, I get it. He said he was digging me, but he was calling me bad names and using profanity towards me. I cannot take someone treating me badly. He had to go. I need someone to speak positive words to me.

Me: He said he was digging me but he had a toddler's temper tantrum when I didn't answer the phone on the first two rings. Then when I called him back, he accused me of horrible stuff I didn't even do. I want him to respect my time and be confident in himself.

BFF: I think he got you confused with his other woman.

Me: Or he was just confused period.

BFF: He said he was digging me, but he wanted me to be his chick on the side.
Me: That's NOT digging you dear.

BFF: I know. I'm more than enough woman for one man. I'm not sharing and I refuse to take seconds or leftovers.

Me: I got one. He said he was digging me, but he married someone else a few days later.

BFF: What they said and what they did were very contradictory.

Me: Exactly. When someone tells me they are digging me, I expect to see it with their actions. If they are digging me, they treat me with respect and kindness. They use positive words to uplift and encourage. They realize that I am not that other woman. They do not confuse one woman with all women.
BFF: Some of them are not open to receive good treatment. They are so guarded they don't trust anybody. It's a vicious cycle.

Me: Because some other woman wronged them, they come at us all crazy like we are that woman or we are gonna wrong them. That's not necessarily true. Granted we are guarded too, but we don't start out with the bad treatment. I believe since they are charged with protecting us and making us feel safe, if they want that love and companionship they claim to want, they should approach us from a position of vulnerability.  Women are more than willing to respond in kind and positively to a man who starts out with kindness, honesty and respect.  My experience with that term "digging" is plain and simple.  That only meant he wanted what he wanted at that time.  

BFF:  What did he want?

Me:  He wanted to either own me, possess me or just have me as toy.  I am not a toy.  I can be a really good friend when I'm treated right.

BFF:  Wow.  Women want to love, nurture and be loved.

Be open about who you really are and what you really want. If you don't know, then find out.  Dig a little deeper into who you really are.  Otherwise you just look like a dog just digging...

What do you mean when you say you are digging someone?

What do you expect from a person when they say they are digging you?

Boiled Blood

Sistahs, I’m NOT Happy with some of YOU!

Why?  Because there are some of you who make cheating, no good men feel it’s ok to do what they do.  If I’m blogging, writing, talking to you, then you KNOW I’m talking to you and you should read this entire post to learn something TODAY.   Otherwise, I may be preaching to the choir, and that’s ok because the choir can add input from their perspective in the comments section.

Enablers – Some women are enablers.  They enable a sorry man to continue living a sorry life.   The dictionary defines an enabler as: “one that enables another to achieve an end; especially: one who enables another to persist in self-destructive behavior (as substance abuse) by providing excuses or by making it possible to avoid the consequences of such behavior”

I especially like that last part.  The making it possible for the sorry so in so to avoid the consequences of BAD behavior by taking him back time and time again.  Some examples are: women who pay bills for the bad with money man, women who let the no job man live in her house she is paying for while he does nothing to contribute to the household in ANYWAY whatsoever, women who say cheaters are men just being men because all men cheat.  NEWSFLASH:  ALL MEN DO NOT CHEAT!!!


Project Managers – Some women are project managers.  They think they can fix or change a man who inevitably becomes a project for them.  Project managers think that having a man, no matter how sorry he may be, is better than NOT having a man.  They think that loving that project and working on it will make it all better.  Not so.

Here’s my beef with all the women who take crap from men over and over again.  When your relationship with SOS (Stuck On Stupid) is over, he comes to a woman like me expecting me to put up with what you put up with.  I AM NOT THAT WOMAN!  I confess, once upon a time I was that woman.  I had to go to counseling and read books and WORK ON ME!  Hence, I’m not that woman. 

• I’ve learned to be content with just me. 
• I’ve learned to live without having my focus be on a man either as my problem or as a solution to my problems. 
• I’ve learned to love me more than I love him. 
• I’ve learned to walk in my destiny and live life on my terms. 
• I’ve learned that I am my own project and I have so much in life to be thankful for than to be taking on special projects. 
• I’ve learned so much.

My hope, desire, prayer is that all Women Who Love Too Much get a clue and stop putting up with mess so these men will stop trying to take that mess to  good women who don’t deserve the mess.

After reading this post, I just realized that I’m inadvertently promoting the Robin Norwood book Women Who Love Too Much: When You Keep Wishing and Hoping He'll Change .  Go read it and read it again and tell me what you think.

Are you or someone you know guilty of anything I've described above?
Do you know anybody who has RECOVERED from this syndrome?
Please share.  I'm so curious.

Love Me

Got my toes did Sunday.   I needed some extra pampering.

So you like my package?

So you like my package?

Oooo Baby…. I like that now…..

Mmmmm….ummmm….mmm

Now THAT I like….. Guuuuuuuurl………

You packing some nice stuff….

So….you like what you see?

Oh? You like me?!?

Brotha, you don’t even KNOW me.

You may like this packaging, but you don’t know what’s inside.

Once you figure out how to open it, you may just want to walk away before you even see the goods inside.

You see, this package you like is very special and delicate.

You can’t just tear it open like some birthday boy on his birthday.

Opening this package requires patience, knowledge, cleverness, tenderness, wisdom, love, the Holy Spirit, and …… A….. MAP!

If you are fortunate enough to open it, can you handle what’s inside?

Will you even know what to do with what’s inside?

Will you recognize that which is in the package? ß Probably NOT!

See, lots of men see this package and say they like it. But they don’t even try to figure it out properly in order to get a chance to open it.

They try to go straight for the so called goods, not realizing that there’s more to the package than the pretty wrapping. 
Maybe they just don’t care that there’s more to the package than the pretty wrapping. 
Either way, they end up disrespecting the ENTIRE Total Package and miss out on a wonderful gift. 


You see, I am a Total Package Woman. 
You can’t just go tearing at the wrapping for the goods because there is way more to me than you see. 
You cannot fathom what this package really is. 


So, the next time your lustful eye covets the outside packaging, think again. You say you like it. But the reality is you don’t even know this package or what it contains. 


I could be a real b*tch or I could be a real w*tch 
You really don’t know because all you see is the wrapping I could be your worst nightmare or I could be your dream come true 
How would you know if all you’re concerned with is the wrapping? 


I could be your best friend or I could be your worst enemy 
Unless you approach the package with care, you’ll NEVA know. 
 You see, I am the Total Package Woman. 


Proceed with caution…..

More on Forgiveness

How to Forgive Yourself

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit


Forgiving yourself can be much harder than forgiving someone else. When you're carrying around a sense of blame for something that has happened in the past, this bundle of negativity burrowing deep into yourself can cause a never-ending, pervasive sense of unhappiness. Forgiving yourself is an important act of moving forward and releasing yourself from the past. It's also a way of protecting your health and general well-being. Here are some suggestions on how to forgive yourself.

Steps

1. Understand the importance of forgiveness. Living in a state of being unable to forgive requires a lot of energy. You are constantly chewed up by fear of your vulnerability, burning with anger with the source of pain, and living with the constancy of sadness, hurt, and blame. This energy deserves to be put to better use, so that your creativity and abilities are fed, not your negativity. Forgiveness also allows you to live in the present instead of the past, which means that you can move into the future with a renewed sense of purpose focused on change, improvement, and building on experience rather than being held back by past hurts.
   
   • Some people are afraid to forgive themselves because they fear losing their sense of self that has been built on the back of anger, resentment, and vulnerability. In this case, ask yourself if that angry, easily hurt and reactive person is the identity you're keen to show the world and live with. Is the security of this mode of thinking worth the effort and harm it is causing you? It's better to have a small time of insecurity as you find your way again than to continue a lifetime bogged down in anger.
     
   • See forgiveness in a positive light. If you're bothered that forgiving suggests that you shouldn't experience strong feelings such as resentment and anger, try viewing it as the chance to feel strong positive feelings, such as joy, generosity, and faith in yourself. Switching it to thinking about what you'll gain rather than what you'll lose has the benefit of keeping you positive while minimizing the negative emotions.
     
2. Take into account the challenges raised by not forgiving yourself. Not only do you allow yourself to remain stuck in the past, but not forgiving yourself takes a huge toll on your emotional and physical health. Inability to forgive is sourced from anger and resentment, two emotions that can wreak havoc with your health. Numerous studies have shown that people stuck in constant anger are more prone to disease and illness than people who can learn to forgive both themselves and others.[1]
   
   • Always remember that forgiving doesn't equate with forgetting. You're entitled to learn by experience and be guided by that experience. It's about leaving aside the resentment and self-inflicted berating that comes with remembering.
     
3. Accept your emotions. Part of the struggle is often being unable to accept that you are experiencing such emotions as anger, fear, resentment, and vulnerability. Instead of trying to avoid facing these negative emotions, accept them as part of what is fueling you lack of self-forgiveness. A problem named is a problem ready to be tackled.
   
4. Reflect on why you're trying to hold yourself to a higher standard than anyone else around you. Perfectionism can cause you to hold too a high a standard for your own behavior, a standard that you wouldn't hold anyone else to. And if your perfectionism causes you to be too hard on yourself, you are caught in a situation where self forgiveness is very hard to do because it seems like acceptance of a sub-standard you. Remove yourself from this vicious cycle of thinking by doing what Martha Beck called "welcoming imperfection". Beck claimed that "welcoming imperfection is the way to accomplish what perfectionism promises but never delivers." It allows you to accept that all human being are imperfect, and you are human, and imperfect too.
   
   • If you are really struggling with perfectionism, consider counseling or therapy work to reduce its impact in your life. Read How to control perfectionism for more tips.
     
5. Let go of other people's expectations for you. If you're stuck in a spiral of self-hate and never feeling good enough because of things that were once said to you, self-forgiveness is essential. You have no control over what other people do and say, and many things people are said and done unconsciously, often motivated by the other person's own shortcomings.[2] Living your life in self-loathing because you don't feel you lived up to someone else's expectations is based on making too much of another person's mixed-up feelings. Forgive yourself for trying to live a life according to other's expectations and start making the changes needed to follow your own purpose instead.
   
   • For every person who has been hard on you, remember that someone was hard on them. Break the chain of harshness by being kind to yourself, not trying to live up to someone else's expectations for you.
     
   • Whenever someone criticizes you for how you are and what you have done, realize that they have just made it that much harder for themselves to err lest they be caught out not fulfilling their own perfection implicit in their criticism. Seeing it this way can ease things for you because you just know they'll slip up somewhere and that being someone who feels entitled to criticize constantly is a very painful (and lonely) way to live.
     
6. Stop punishing yourself. There is a frequent misunderstanding that forgiveness equates to forgetting or condoning. This misunderstanding can lead a person to feel that it is not right to forgive oneself because in the process of doing so, it's akin to an act of forgetting or condoning the past wrong. If this is the factor preventing you from forgiving yourself, keep in mind that forgiveness is a process of mindfulness in which you continue to remember what happened and you do not condone something that was "wrong" as suddenly "right".[3]
   
   • It's perfectly fine to say: "I hate what I've done (or how I've devalued myself) but I'm moving on for the sake of my health, my well-being, and those around me." Affirming this is healthy and allows you to break the cycle of self-harm you've fallen into because you openly acknowledge what was wrong and the intention to set it right from now on.
     
7. Practice self acceptance. You don't need forgiveness for being you. Forgiving yourself is about targeting the specific things that you feel bad about, not about the person you are. As a forgiveness technique, self acceptance allows you to acknowledge that you're a good person, faults and all. It doesn't mean that you ignore the faults or stop trying to improve yourself but it does mean that you value yourself above those elements and cease to allow your faults to halt your progression in life.[4]
   
   • Love yourself and give yourself permission to heal.
     
   • Laugh more; it'll give you more freedom to stop taking it all so seriously.
     
8. Think about what will improve in your life if you can release yourself and how to bring this into fruition. As part of forgiving yourself, it's usually not enough to simply resolve to forgive yourself. Doing things to confirm the forgiveness process will help you to realize your self-forgiveness and to give you a new sense of purpose. Some of the things you might like to consider doing include:
   
   • Taking up meditation. Meditation is an ideal way to find inner quiet, spiritual, self-realization, and physical relaxation. It will allow you to take time out, to tune into and appreciate the moment, and to get in touch with your inner self. Done regularly, meditation will improve your well-being and sense of self.
     
   • Affirm your self-worth. Remind yourself regularly that you are a valued and beautiful person and say simply: "I forgive myself" or "I will no longer let anger eat away at me", whenever the negative thoughts reappear.
     
   • Keep a diary. Write down your journey to forgiveness. Having the writing space to share your thoughts and feelings with, one that nobody else will ever read, is a liberating and self-enlightening way to breaking through negative approaches to your life.
     
   • Seek therapy. If you've tried hard to get over anger, resentment, and other fearful, out-of-control emotions but you're still struggling, connect with a therapist who can help guide you through to a better state of being. If therapy's not your thing, at least find a friend or more to talk to, and who will help to affirm your worth.
     
   • If you have a faith, draw strength from its teachings to support you.
     
9. See forgiveness as a journey, not a destination. If you're liable to thinking that you're unable to "get to" self-forgiveness, you may be sabotaging your chances of even starting the forgiveness journey. It helps to accept that forgiveness is an ongoing process and that you'll have your up days and your down days, as with most feelings and experiences in life. You may feel that you've reached a point of forgiveness, only to have something happen that causes you to feel it was all a wasted effort and that you're back to square one, angry and annoyed with yourself. The best approach is to let the slip-ups happen and see them as minor setbacks in an otherwise more forgiving self. In addition, realize that forgiveness has no timetable; instead, you can do your very best to prepare yourself for the process and to get it started:[5]
   
   • Self-forgive in gradual stages. Start with valuing yourself and making a resolution to stop letting the past continue to haunt the present and direct the person you are now.
     
   • Learn from what you've done in the past but value your whole self (see step above on practicing self-acceptance).
     
   • Enjoy positive experiences consciously and don't seek to downgrade them.
     
   • Be grateful for what you do have – great relationships, a home, a family, an education, abilities, interests, hobbies, pets, health, etc. Look for the good in your life.
     
   • Be self-compassionate. Shift your thoughts to more fulfilling, value-focused things when negative reproaches arise.
     
   • Apologize if others have been involved and you have not already done so, or you have not done so genuinely. Only do this when you have changed your negative outlook.
     

Video

How to forgive and love yourself.

Tips

• The person we are is the result of both good and bad things happening to us in life, as well as the good and bad things we have done. The manner in which we respond to negative events is as important as the way in which we respond to happy events. A person who is inclined to ruminate and make large of a negative event will be more prone to living in anger and resentment and expect future negativity than a person who sees bad things as isolated incidents that don't impinge on who they are as a whole.[6]
  
• Think about how you have forgiven others in the past. Take the lessons from these experiences and apply them to your own situation; the reassuring aspect of this is that you know you have the ability to forgive, you just need to point that forgiveness in the right direction.
  

Warnings

• Stay away from people who have a tendency to sabotage efforts at self-improvement. Most of the time these people are focused on salvaging their own insecurities and are threatened by seeing someone else making the effort to overcome negative pressure in their life. Accept that forgiving yourself will sometimes lose certain relationships where your negativity was a source of the other person wielding power over you. Ask yourself if you'd rather continue the unhappy relationship or move on as a whole, and renewed person able to connect with healthier people.
  
• Don't force yourself to hang around people who bring back the past for you in a negative way; people who push your buttons, devalue or belittle you, and who are thoughtless about your vulnerabilities are best left behind.
  
• Forgiveness is the hardest quality to shape and yet it is the most essential. In learning about your own ability to forgive both yourself and others, your personal growth will be great, and that's a reward worth the hard work forgiveness requires of you.
  
• Avoid talking about your wrongdoings and how bad a person you are around other people. You will create this reality in their minds too. Get therapy to get this negative thinking out of your head and back into the Pandora's Box it came from.
  

Things You'll Need

• Journal or diary
  

Related wikiHows

• How to Forgive a Girlfriend
  
• How to Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You
  
• How to Forgive After an Affair
  
• How to Forgive Someone Without Using Religion
  
• How to Find Forgiveness with a Friend
  

Sources and Citations

1. ↑ Piero Ferrucci, The Power of Kindness, p.46, (2007), ISBN 978-1-58542-588-4
2. ↑ Stephanie Dowrick, Choosing Happiness: Life & Soul Essentials, p. 121, (2005), ISBN1-74114-521-X
3. ↑ Stephanie Dowrick, Choosing Happiness: Life & Soul Essentials, p. 121, (2005), ISBN1-74114-521-X
4. ↑ David Niven, The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People: What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It, pp. 15-16, (2000), ISBN 0-06-251650-7
5. ↑ Stephanie Dowrick, Choosing Happiness: Life & Soul Essentials, p. 291, (2005), ISBN1-74114-521-X
6. ↑ David Niven, The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People: What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It, p. 16, (2000), ISBN 0-06-251650-7

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Forgive Yourself. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

Positive Self Talk

This made me laugh.

Location : 1735 Decker Blvd, Columbia, SC 29206,

Responsibility Affirmation for Today

I no longer spend my time in fruitless activities, associations or relationships. I surround myself with people who honour my path, who manifest a positive attitude, who are empowering, & who are willing to give and receive my help.
~~Namaste

See more progress on: Nurture ME - my mind, my body, my spirit, my soul

How to love and be loved

"It starts with loving yourself."

How I did it: I started loving me first.  When I released all of the pain of the past and forgave myself and others, I became FREE to love and be loved.

The next thing I did was to list what it took to love me.  Then I did all it took to love me.

After that I listed the qualities I wanted in a mate.  Then I posted my personal qualities and the ones I were looking for on an internet dating site and began accepting applications.

I made it fun for me.  If someone didn't meet my standards, fine.  It was fun finding out if they met them.  Weeding through the "weeds" was a fun experience for me.

When I finally met the right person, I had to learn to trust again and allow myself to become vulnerable with him.  He has been awesome.  I am totally transparent with him and he loves me and vice versa.  We work so well together.

We accept each other right where we are and we are both willing to grow together.  This is something we both have come to terms with.

Lessons & tips:

• forgive yourself of your transgressions
• forgive others of past transgressions against you 
• forgiveness allows you to be free 
• love yourself
• learn your good and bad qualities so you'll know what you have to offer and what needs improvement.  
• if necessary, enlist the help of close personal friends and relatives 
• list what you want in a loving mate  
• put your desires out into the universe 
• HAVE FUN WITH THE RESULTS 

It took me 40 years.

It made me happy and at peace

See more progress on: love and be loved

Loving Me Feels So Good

Since the car accident, my back has been in alot of pain. I went to the chiropractor for my second visit yesterday. I started to feel a little better after that visit, but around 2:30 I was in pain again. So, I left work early. I have also missed a lot of work as a result of the accident.

Thursday was the only day this week I did NOT have a doctor’s appointment. I was happy not to have that interruption in my regularly scheduled life. When I got off work Thursday, I had a craving for crab cakes AGAIN. So I went grocery shopping.

I came home, made the boys do their chores right because they got it all wrong. I was really looking forward to cooking my special dinner and I do not cook in a dirty kitchen. So after the work, I cooked fried chicken (for the boys, I gave up chicken altogether), crab cakes, baked zucchini, corn, and biscuits. The boys had milk while I enjoyed a glass white zinfandel with my special dinner. Cooking exactly what I wanted for dinner was me nurturing me and my body.

Friday after the boys left for their 4th weekend in a row visit with their dad, I enjoyed stuffed tilapia, brussel sprouts, biscuits and white merlot. That white merlot was very good.

Two nights in a row I enjoyed fabulously cooked dinners with my favorite people, me, myself, William, Allan, and TJ. Friday is was all about me. Quiet, peaceful and just what I needed.

See more progress on: Nurture ME - my mind, my body, my spirit, my soul

I stand so tall

You cannot see because your head is hung so low

I stand so tall

When you look down on me, all you can see are my shoes. You must want to walk a mile in them.

I stand so tall

That I block your light because you crouch so low

I stand so tall

I can touch the moon without reaching up or tiptoeing

I stand so tall

I can see all that is mine in the vast Universe

I stand so tall
Claiming me and mine is like picking up toys in a play room. Quick and EASY.

I stand so tall
Being Mistress of My Domain is effortless.

I stand so Tall

See more progress on: I am Mistress of My Domain

I stand so tall
You cannot see because your head is hung so low

I stand so tall
When you look down on me, all you can see are my shoes. You must want to walk a mile in them.

I stand so tall
That I block your light because you crouch so low

I stand so tall
I can touch the moon without reaching up or tiptoeing

I stand so tall
I can see all that is mine in the vast Universe

h7. I stand so tall
Claiming me and mine is like picking up toys in a play room. Quick and EASY.

h8. I stand so tall
Being Mistress of My Domain is effortless.

I stand so Tall

See more progress on: I am Mistress of My Domain

Yesterday Tried Me

I was having a really good day yesterday. Allan and William both went to a birthday party/sleepover. I had hours home alone. Much needed alone time.

I cleaned and refreshed the house and I took a nice nap.

Then TJ started tripping on me. He kept texting me about his gf. He wants to spend more time with her and I am not making it easy for him to. Hell, he works all the time. But the details of his tripping is really inconsequential to this entry.

The main idea is that I was nurturing me yesterday and that teenager almost came between me and this goal. I called my special friend and he told me not stress it.

So, I took his advice. I was contemplating staying home and wallowing in the fact that being a single parent is damn hard work. However, he swooped through and took me out for drinks. He even picked up the teenager from work. That was nurturing for me. The full body massage also helped.

I slept in today as part of my nurture me goal. My mind and my body needed it today. My spirit and my soul needed the work I accomplished yesterday.

Go nurture yourself.

See more progress on: Nurture ME - my mind, my body, my spirit, my soul

Start by

saying, “NO!” It works. It’s not about being selfish either. It’s about being the best me so I can offer my environment the best that I have.

See more progress on: Nurture ME - my mind, my body, my spirit, my soul