I Forgot Because I Am FREE

“I don’t remember the bad things like that.” 

I was talking to a childhood friend a while ago and we kind of catching up on what we’ve been doing and how we’ve been over the years.  We’ve seen each other over the years but not really had any deep conversations.  Our mothers have kept in touch and passed on bits and pieces of information, but you know how information passed on from mothers can be.

During one of our conversations this friend reminded me of something really cruel I had done back in middle school.  When he told me what I did I was appalled.  Really, I was shocked and somewhat disgusted.  I didn’t deny doing it but I do not remember doing it.  That incident is totally erased from my conscious memory.  Why?  Because I choose not to dwell on the past, especially the negativity of the past. 

During another different conversation, my friend told me they had some type of mental breakdown.  He was sure I had heard of it.  I told him I had not heard of it.  Looking back over time, my mom may have mentioned it to me but that is another incident I chose to let go of.  I have been practicing not judging myself and not judging others for any reason whatsoever.  Judgments require too much energy and are really pointless anyway.  When you spend too much time judging you lose some of your freedom.  I choose freedom and I love it.

I learned this from the following Related Bible Verses:

Micah 7:19 (Amplified Bible)

¹⁹He will again have compassion on us; He will subdue and tread underfoot our iniquities. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea.

 

Psalm 103:12 (Amplified Bible)

¹²As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.

 

Philippians 4:8 (King James Version)

⁸Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.

I express appreciation to you for reading my blog from the infinite abundance that is my natural state, knowing that as I do so this expression will just expand and reflect back to me.

~~Namaste~~

More on Forgiveness

How to Forgive Yourself

from wikiHow - The How to Manual That You Can Edit


Forgiving yourself can be much harder than forgiving someone else. When you're carrying around a sense of blame for something that has happened in the past, this bundle of negativity burrowing deep into yourself can cause a never-ending, pervasive sense of unhappiness. Forgiving yourself is an important act of moving forward and releasing yourself from the past. It's also a way of protecting your health and general well-being. Here are some suggestions on how to forgive yourself.

Steps

1. Understand the importance of forgiveness. Living in a state of being unable to forgive requires a lot of energy. You are constantly chewed up by fear of your vulnerability, burning with anger with the source of pain, and living with the constancy of sadness, hurt, and blame. This energy deserves to be put to better use, so that your creativity and abilities are fed, not your negativity. Forgiveness also allows you to live in the present instead of the past, which means that you can move into the future with a renewed sense of purpose focused on change, improvement, and building on experience rather than being held back by past hurts.
   
   • Some people are afraid to forgive themselves because they fear losing their sense of self that has been built on the back of anger, resentment, and vulnerability. In this case, ask yourself if that angry, easily hurt and reactive person is the identity you're keen to show the world and live with. Is the security of this mode of thinking worth the effort and harm it is causing you? It's better to have a small time of insecurity as you find your way again than to continue a lifetime bogged down in anger.
     
   • See forgiveness in a positive light. If you're bothered that forgiving suggests that you shouldn't experience strong feelings such as resentment and anger, try viewing it as the chance to feel strong positive feelings, such as joy, generosity, and faith in yourself. Switching it to thinking about what you'll gain rather than what you'll lose has the benefit of keeping you positive while minimizing the negative emotions.
     
2. Take into account the challenges raised by not forgiving yourself. Not only do you allow yourself to remain stuck in the past, but not forgiving yourself takes a huge toll on your emotional and physical health. Inability to forgive is sourced from anger and resentment, two emotions that can wreak havoc with your health. Numerous studies have shown that people stuck in constant anger are more prone to disease and illness than people who can learn to forgive both themselves and others.[1]
   
   • Always remember that forgiving doesn't equate with forgetting. You're entitled to learn by experience and be guided by that experience. It's about leaving aside the resentment and self-inflicted berating that comes with remembering.
     
3. Accept your emotions. Part of the struggle is often being unable to accept that you are experiencing such emotions as anger, fear, resentment, and vulnerability. Instead of trying to avoid facing these negative emotions, accept them as part of what is fueling you lack of self-forgiveness. A problem named is a problem ready to be tackled.
   
4. Reflect on why you're trying to hold yourself to a higher standard than anyone else around you. Perfectionism can cause you to hold too a high a standard for your own behavior, a standard that you wouldn't hold anyone else to. And if your perfectionism causes you to be too hard on yourself, you are caught in a situation where self forgiveness is very hard to do because it seems like acceptance of a sub-standard you. Remove yourself from this vicious cycle of thinking by doing what Martha Beck called "welcoming imperfection". Beck claimed that "welcoming imperfection is the way to accomplish what perfectionism promises but never delivers." It allows you to accept that all human being are imperfect, and you are human, and imperfect too.
   
   • If you are really struggling with perfectionism, consider counseling or therapy work to reduce its impact in your life. Read How to control perfectionism for more tips.
     
5. Let go of other people's expectations for you. If you're stuck in a spiral of self-hate and never feeling good enough because of things that were once said to you, self-forgiveness is essential. You have no control over what other people do and say, and many things people are said and done unconsciously, often motivated by the other person's own shortcomings.[2] Living your life in self-loathing because you don't feel you lived up to someone else's expectations is based on making too much of another person's mixed-up feelings. Forgive yourself for trying to live a life according to other's expectations and start making the changes needed to follow your own purpose instead.
   
   • For every person who has been hard on you, remember that someone was hard on them. Break the chain of harshness by being kind to yourself, not trying to live up to someone else's expectations for you.
     
   • Whenever someone criticizes you for how you are and what you have done, realize that they have just made it that much harder for themselves to err lest they be caught out not fulfilling their own perfection implicit in their criticism. Seeing it this way can ease things for you because you just know they'll slip up somewhere and that being someone who feels entitled to criticize constantly is a very painful (and lonely) way to live.
     
6. Stop punishing yourself. There is a frequent misunderstanding that forgiveness equates to forgetting or condoning. This misunderstanding can lead a person to feel that it is not right to forgive oneself because in the process of doing so, it's akin to an act of forgetting or condoning the past wrong. If this is the factor preventing you from forgiving yourself, keep in mind that forgiveness is a process of mindfulness in which you continue to remember what happened and you do not condone something that was "wrong" as suddenly "right".[3]
   
   • It's perfectly fine to say: "I hate what I've done (or how I've devalued myself) but I'm moving on for the sake of my health, my well-being, and those around me." Affirming this is healthy and allows you to break the cycle of self-harm you've fallen into because you openly acknowledge what was wrong and the intention to set it right from now on.
     
7. Practice self acceptance. You don't need forgiveness for being you. Forgiving yourself is about targeting the specific things that you feel bad about, not about the person you are. As a forgiveness technique, self acceptance allows you to acknowledge that you're a good person, faults and all. It doesn't mean that you ignore the faults or stop trying to improve yourself but it does mean that you value yourself above those elements and cease to allow your faults to halt your progression in life.[4]
   
   • Love yourself and give yourself permission to heal.
     
   • Laugh more; it'll give you more freedom to stop taking it all so seriously.
     
8. Think about what will improve in your life if you can release yourself and how to bring this into fruition. As part of forgiving yourself, it's usually not enough to simply resolve to forgive yourself. Doing things to confirm the forgiveness process will help you to realize your self-forgiveness and to give you a new sense of purpose. Some of the things you might like to consider doing include:
   
   • Taking up meditation. Meditation is an ideal way to find inner quiet, spiritual, self-realization, and physical relaxation. It will allow you to take time out, to tune into and appreciate the moment, and to get in touch with your inner self. Done regularly, meditation will improve your well-being and sense of self.
     
   • Affirm your self-worth. Remind yourself regularly that you are a valued and beautiful person and say simply: "I forgive myself" or "I will no longer let anger eat away at me", whenever the negative thoughts reappear.
     
   • Keep a diary. Write down your journey to forgiveness. Having the writing space to share your thoughts and feelings with, one that nobody else will ever read, is a liberating and self-enlightening way to breaking through negative approaches to your life.
     
   • Seek therapy. If you've tried hard to get over anger, resentment, and other fearful, out-of-control emotions but you're still struggling, connect with a therapist who can help guide you through to a better state of being. If therapy's not your thing, at least find a friend or more to talk to, and who will help to affirm your worth.
     
   • If you have a faith, draw strength from its teachings to support you.
     
9. See forgiveness as a journey, not a destination. If you're liable to thinking that you're unable to "get to" self-forgiveness, you may be sabotaging your chances of even starting the forgiveness journey. It helps to accept that forgiveness is an ongoing process and that you'll have your up days and your down days, as with most feelings and experiences in life. You may feel that you've reached a point of forgiveness, only to have something happen that causes you to feel it was all a wasted effort and that you're back to square one, angry and annoyed with yourself. The best approach is to let the slip-ups happen and see them as minor setbacks in an otherwise more forgiving self. In addition, realize that forgiveness has no timetable; instead, you can do your very best to prepare yourself for the process and to get it started:[5]
   
   • Self-forgive in gradual stages. Start with valuing yourself and making a resolution to stop letting the past continue to haunt the present and direct the person you are now.
     
   • Learn from what you've done in the past but value your whole self (see step above on practicing self-acceptance).
     
   • Enjoy positive experiences consciously and don't seek to downgrade them.
     
   • Be grateful for what you do have – great relationships, a home, a family, an education, abilities, interests, hobbies, pets, health, etc. Look for the good in your life.
     
   • Be self-compassionate. Shift your thoughts to more fulfilling, value-focused things when negative reproaches arise.
     
   • Apologize if others have been involved and you have not already done so, or you have not done so genuinely. Only do this when you have changed your negative outlook.
     

Video

How to forgive and love yourself.

Tips

• The person we are is the result of both good and bad things happening to us in life, as well as the good and bad things we have done. The manner in which we respond to negative events is as important as the way in which we respond to happy events. A person who is inclined to ruminate and make large of a negative event will be more prone to living in anger and resentment and expect future negativity than a person who sees bad things as isolated incidents that don't impinge on who they are as a whole.[6]
  
• Think about how you have forgiven others in the past. Take the lessons from these experiences and apply them to your own situation; the reassuring aspect of this is that you know you have the ability to forgive, you just need to point that forgiveness in the right direction.
  

Warnings

• Stay away from people who have a tendency to sabotage efforts at self-improvement. Most of the time these people are focused on salvaging their own insecurities and are threatened by seeing someone else making the effort to overcome negative pressure in their life. Accept that forgiving yourself will sometimes lose certain relationships where your negativity was a source of the other person wielding power over you. Ask yourself if you'd rather continue the unhappy relationship or move on as a whole, and renewed person able to connect with healthier people.
  
• Don't force yourself to hang around people who bring back the past for you in a negative way; people who push your buttons, devalue or belittle you, and who are thoughtless about your vulnerabilities are best left behind.
  
• Forgiveness is the hardest quality to shape and yet it is the most essential. In learning about your own ability to forgive both yourself and others, your personal growth will be great, and that's a reward worth the hard work forgiveness requires of you.
  
• Avoid talking about your wrongdoings and how bad a person you are around other people. You will create this reality in their minds too. Get therapy to get this negative thinking out of your head and back into the Pandora's Box it came from.
  

Things You'll Need

• Journal or diary
  

Related wikiHows

• How to Forgive a Girlfriend
  
• How to Forgive Someone Who Has Hurt You
  
• How to Forgive After an Affair
  
• How to Forgive Someone Without Using Religion
  
• How to Find Forgiveness with a Friend
  

Sources and Citations

1. ↑ Piero Ferrucci, The Power of Kindness, p.46, (2007), ISBN 978-1-58542-588-4
2. ↑ Stephanie Dowrick, Choosing Happiness: Life & Soul Essentials, p. 121, (2005), ISBN1-74114-521-X
3. ↑ Stephanie Dowrick, Choosing Happiness: Life & Soul Essentials, p. 121, (2005), ISBN1-74114-521-X
4. ↑ David Niven, The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People: What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It, pp. 15-16, (2000), ISBN 0-06-251650-7
5. ↑ Stephanie Dowrick, Choosing Happiness: Life & Soul Essentials, p. 291, (2005), ISBN1-74114-521-X
6. ↑ David Niven, The 100 Simple Secrets of Happy People: What Scientists Have Learned and How You Can Use It, p. 16, (2000), ISBN 0-06-251650-7

Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to Forgive Yourself. All content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons license.

How to love and be loved

"It starts with loving yourself."

How I did it: I started loving me first.  When I released all of the pain of the past and forgave myself and others, I became FREE to love and be loved.

The next thing I did was to list what it took to love me.  Then I did all it took to love me.

After that I listed the qualities I wanted in a mate.  Then I posted my personal qualities and the ones I were looking for on an internet dating site and began accepting applications.

I made it fun for me.  If someone didn't meet my standards, fine.  It was fun finding out if they met them.  Weeding through the "weeds" was a fun experience for me.

When I finally met the right person, I had to learn to trust again and allow myself to become vulnerable with him.  He has been awesome.  I am totally transparent with him and he loves me and vice versa.  We work so well together.

We accept each other right where we are and we are both willing to grow together.  This is something we both have come to terms with.

Lessons & tips:

• forgive yourself of your transgressions
• forgive others of past transgressions against you 
• forgiveness allows you to be free 
• love yourself
• learn your good and bad qualities so you'll know what you have to offer and what needs improvement.  
• if necessary, enlist the help of close personal friends and relatives 
• list what you want in a loving mate  
• put your desires out into the universe 
• HAVE FUN WITH THE RESULTS 

It took me 40 years.

It made me happy and at peace

See more progress on: love and be loved

Happy New Year!

This Year Will be the Best Year of My Life

How?

Step 1~I will Create a Gratitude List for 2009.  

List all the things for which I'm grateful.  

Gratitude, releases endorphins, creating a feeling of well being.  

Step 2~ I will Release and Forgive

Release all resentment, anger, hurt & pain from 2009. Forgive myself & others for any wrongs.  

Clear out resentments, to make room for the new blessings.  

Step 3~Know What I Want for 2010

Create the Life I want.   Get clear about my goals. Commit my goals to paper. 

What will be different for you in 2010?

~~Namaste

Forgiveness

Forgiveness

Since my experiences with the holy spirit, I've experienced a certain type of peace I've never known.

As far as the sad periods, I seek God, I write and I roll. I also look around me and see that I am blessed. I look inside and know who I am. This sounds easy, but sometimes it is quite difficult. That gratitude exercise during the month of November 2007 was quite trying for me.

August 2004 when I was going through my divorce, things were all very difficult for me. My ex husband was making life miserable, but only because I let him. My sad time happened over the period of a week. For an entire week all I did was get up, get the boys to school, go to work as a zombie, come home as a zombie, make sure the boys ate, then go straight to the couch and CRY. I cried several hours everyday for a week! I cried myself to sleep every night. And, in front of my sons! They didn't know what was wrong with me. I am not sure if I would recommend this. Although they did witness this sadness, they also witnessed the recovery. So they learned that sad times don't last always. They've learned that we do overcome, grow, and change.

"Mom, why are you crying?" they asked over and over again. Poor babies, I couldn't even answer them. I pulled the covers over my head and I cried some more. I don't even know how they got to bed or where they slept because I was too busy crying. I did this everyday for a week mind you.

Then on the Friday of that week of crying, I was on the couch doing my thing, crying. As I cried, I thought about every bad thing every body I've ever encountered has done to me. Then I started thinking about all of the bad things I'd ever done in my life. All of this bad thinking could have led to more crying, but it didn't. My spirit woman wouldn't let it.

Immediately, I heard the Father say, "For mine own sake I have cast your sins into the sea of forgetfulness. Don't you know who you are?"

"Of course," was my answer. I knew who I was. I kept telling everybody I was a child of God. I knew I was made in His image. If I was made in His image, then I knew I was like Him and have qualities like him. If He cast my sins into the sea of forgetfulness for His sake, then I must cast my sins into the sea of forgetfulness for my own sake. I had to forgive myself for my own sanity and for my children's well being and care as well. I also had to do the same for people who have wronged me. Not for them, but for me. I forgave them and threw their sins out too.

Then I got up, read my Bible, took that Word and applied it to my life at that very moment. Once I learned my lesson that day, I told the boys, "come on, let's go". We got our stuff and got out of that house. Ever since, Fridays have been our days to go out do something. That Friday we went to the park, watched a movie and had a good ole time. We've been having our fun every Friday since that last Friday I cried on the couch.

Now I don't cry on the couch. It took me a long time to even get comfortable on that couch. As a matter of fact, I sold that couch February 2006. (that couch was evil)

Forgiveness is what got me out of that funk. Forgiveness is what keeps me going. Forgiveness is a key element in healing, so I hear.

I must make one aspect of forgiveness very clear. Forgiving a person does not mean you let that person wrong you over and over again. It just means, you don't let what that person did to you poison you and your life. Don't hold on to the act or wrongful deed, but also know who/what you're dealing with so you don't fall prey to the same things that harm again.

Dr. Laura has an excellent example of forgiveness that I prescribe to. She said, if you are in a pool with alligators or pirhanna and they bite and attack you, once you get out of the pool, you can forgive them. The key is not to get in the pool again. Just because you forgave the flesh eating creatures doesn't mean they are no longer flesh eating creatures and that makes it safe to swim with them again.

LESSON LEARNED: Forgiveness is all about the person doing the forgiving. It has little to do with the person being forgiven. Forgiveness is about self cleansing so that you can be the best you possible. The self cleansing of forgiveness contributes to making you a whole person.

Recommended Forgiveness Reading:

• No more tears for me baby!
• hugs - How to let go of grudges and bitterness
• kisses - The Forgiveness Project
• much love - I love this one
• muah - Light of Love Blog