I'm Really Digging Me

Digging You Baby.

Baby, don't you know that I'm digging you?

BFF: He said he was really digging a chick across town.

Me: Yeah, that's what he SAID. But I wanna know what his definition of "digging someone" is.

BFF: I guess he was really feeling her.

Me: Yes, with his fingers, hands, lips and other body parts.

BFF: You think so?

Me: I'm not so sure, but let me tell you what my experience when someone says he's "digging me" versus what I actually want to happen when they are really "digging me".

BFF: Ok, what's your experience with that term?

Me: Dude says he's "digging me" but he constantly looking for the next best thing. He actually told me he was constantly looking for the next best thing. If he was really digging me he would have realized that I was the next best thing.

BFF: You can't be open to receive a man like that.

Me: Exactly.

BFF: Oh, I get it. He said he was digging me, but he was calling me bad names and using profanity towards me. I cannot take someone treating me badly. He had to go. I need someone to speak positive words to me.

Me: He said he was digging me but he had a toddler's temper tantrum when I didn't answer the phone on the first two rings. Then when I called him back, he accused me of horrible stuff I didn't even do. I want him to respect my time and be confident in himself.

BFF: I think he got you confused with his other woman.

Me: Or he was just confused period.

BFF: He said he was digging me, but he wanted me to be his chick on the side.
Me: That's NOT digging you dear.

BFF: I know. I'm more than enough woman for one man. I'm not sharing and I refuse to take seconds or leftovers.

Me: I got one. He said he was digging me, but he married someone else a few days later.

BFF: What they said and what they did were very contradictory.

Me: Exactly. When someone tells me they are digging me, I expect to see it with their actions. If they are digging me, they treat me with respect and kindness. They use positive words to uplift and encourage. They realize that I am not that other woman. They do not confuse one woman with all women.
BFF: Some of them are not open to receive good treatment. They are so guarded they don't trust anybody. It's a vicious cycle.

Me: Because some other woman wronged them, they come at us all crazy like we are that woman or we are gonna wrong them. That's not necessarily true. Granted we are guarded too, but we don't start out with the bad treatment. I believe since they are charged with protecting us and making us feel safe, if they want that love and companionship they claim to want, they should approach us from a position of vulnerability.  Women are more than willing to respond in kind and positively to a man who starts out with kindness, honesty and respect.  My experience with that term "digging" is plain and simple.  That only meant he wanted what he wanted at that time.  

BFF:  What did he want?

Me:  He wanted to either own me, possess me or just have me as toy.  I am not a toy.  I can be a really good friend when I'm treated right.

BFF:  Wow.  Women want to love, nurture and be loved.

Be open about who you really are and what you really want. If you don't know, then find out.  Dig a little deeper into who you really are.  Otherwise you just look like a dog just digging...

What do you mean when you say you are digging someone?

What do you expect from a person when they say they are digging you?

All You Need Is Love

Yes, it's that time of year again.  What do you have planned?  Us? We're just going out to dinner and sharing time together.  We have too much other stuff going on to make it a great big day.

You don't have anyone to share that day with?

You could meet someone on the internet like I did.  I met Antonio on blackpeoplemeet.com.  If you've already tried that one, you could also try these sites:


  Yahoo Personals was fun when I was single.  I met maybe 2 or 3 people there.  I really don't remember them.  Wow!  That's interesting.  Didn't find the love I needed there.

Or you could go to CatholicMatch.com.


Create your FREE CatholicMatch.com account now and SAVE 15% when you upgrade to a paid membership by using promo code "CMDATE".  You could find the love there.  I dare you to click on it.

Yeah, I found these links just for my single friends looking for love this Valentine's season.  Let me know how the Love goes.

In other news:

• I had a very long week or two.  I managed to keep my love about me though.
• TJ left for AF BMT last week.  I miss him so much!  He is my first born.  I LOVE HIM!  And I really miss him too.  But this is something he really needs right now.  He'll come back a betta man.
• Antonio's aunt passed last Wednesday.
• We went to the funeral last Saturday.  Her son had me crying.  He really loved his mother.  Lots of people really loved her.
• All week last week, we were doing a disaster recovery exercise at work.  Working ungodly hours.  I wonder if it was appreciated.....
• William cut his arm last Thursday and got 6 staples in it.  - - - You know that staple gun the doctor used was way cool.  I saw how he stapled William up so quickly and thought I could have done that at home if I had a gun like that.  Now I want one of those cool staple guns!  Seriously, moms everywhere could save a lot of time and money stapling there kids up instead of going to the ER and paying someone to do it.  I KNOW I CAN DO THAT AT HOME!  At least I would really LOVE to do it at home.
• Owen started chemo this week and also had to get a blood transfusion.  Please continue to keep him and my mom in your prayers.  I would really LOVE that.
• I wonder who really reads this stuff I post. .  . . 
• I bought a DivaCup today and now I LOVE it!
• Timothy is still making slow and steady progress.  I found out today that he got accepted into Carolina's Rehab!  When I last saw him he was yawning and blinking.  Please continue to keep him in your prayers.
• We got SNOW here in South Carolina.  It's still snowing right now!  Not really excited about that anyway.  I took some photos and will post them later.

That's all I have to say today.  I'm tired and I need to go to bed.  Good Night.

How to love and be loved

"It starts with loving yourself."

How I did it: I started loving me first.  When I released all of the pain of the past and forgave myself and others, I became FREE to love and be loved.

The next thing I did was to list what it took to love me.  Then I did all it took to love me.

After that I listed the qualities I wanted in a mate.  Then I posted my personal qualities and the ones I were looking for on an internet dating site and began accepting applications.

I made it fun for me.  If someone didn't meet my standards, fine.  It was fun finding out if they met them.  Weeding through the "weeds" was a fun experience for me.

When I finally met the right person, I had to learn to trust again and allow myself to become vulnerable with him.  He has been awesome.  I am totally transparent with him and he loves me and vice versa.  We work so well together.

We accept each other right where we are and we are both willing to grow together.  This is something we both have come to terms with.

Lessons & tips:

• forgive yourself of your transgressions
• forgive others of past transgressions against you 
• forgiveness allows you to be free 
• love yourself
• learn your good and bad qualities so you'll know what you have to offer and what needs improvement.  
• if necessary, enlist the help of close personal friends and relatives 
• list what you want in a loving mate  
• put your desires out into the universe 
• HAVE FUN WITH THE RESULTS 

It took me 40 years.

It made me happy and at peace

See more progress on: love and be loved

Who Da Hail is Tim?

I was married for 15 and a half years. During my separation I met a man I don’t normally go for. At first I thought he was ok. Not my type but since I had been out of the dating scene for so long, I figured I would give him a chance. I thought that I shouldn’t be picky. I should keep my options open.

I put it like that because this man was unambitious so to speak. I was not used to that. I was married to a very ambitious man. In high school I dated guys who were in Who’s Who. I knew that I wanted someone with values and goals similar to mine.

Well, when I met FB, I wasn’t so sure about his values and goals. I knew he liked going to church once a week. He played the drums at his church. He got paid for it. He was in a band. They never had any gigs, but he was in a band. Wait, I take that back, they did have gigs. FB was so . . . churchy? No, big on having people think he was a man of God. His band did get gigs in local clubs. FB said he refused to play in clubs where alcohol was sold or something like that.

Another thing about FB, he washed his dry clean only clothes in the washing machine: sports jackets, slacks, dress shirts, ties, everything. His shirts were so worn that the fold on the collars were tearing. I remember standing in his walk in closet on the phone with my girlfriend telling her how I was going to nominate him for What Not To Wear. He really needed it.

So, guess what I did? I went shopping for FB. I bought him new shirts, ties, and slacks. No sport jackets. I just took his tattered sport jackets and threw them away. They needed it. I upgraded that so-n-so.

After dating FB for about 2 and half months, I noticed that he really had no drive and no ambition what so ever. I initially thought he was in his situation because of his break up that was similar to my separation. Nope. He was happy and content with his situation. I was not. I knew I had to make a change.

The only thing that made me stay with FB for 3 months was the good Richard. His Richard was like crack. But I could do without that kind of Richard.

I eventually made the mistake of loaning him money $500. He only gave me a little over $250 back. Whenever I asked for my money, he would get mad at me and give me attitude like I owed him money or something.

Lesson Learned: Never loan a man money. Never date someone who has no aspirations or whose aspirations, dreams and goals are lower on the totem pole than your own.

See more progress on: Chronicle my crazy/interesting dating escapades since 2004

Who Da Hail is Tim?

I was married for 15 and a half years. During my separation I met a man I don’t normally go for. At first I thought he was ok. Not my type but since I had been out of the dating scene for so long, I figured I would give him a chance. I thought that I shouldn’t be picky. I should keep my options open.

I put it like that because this man was unambitious so to speak. I was not used to that. I was married to a very ambitious man. In high school I dated guys who were in Who’s Who. I knew that I wanted someone with values and goals similar to mine.

Well, when I met FB, I wasn’t so sure about his values and goals. I knew he liked going to church once a week. He played the drums at his church. He got paid for it. He was in a band. They never had any gigs, but he was in a band. Wait, I take that back, they did have gigs. FB was so . . . churchy? No, big on having people think he was a man of God. His band did get gigs in local clubs. FB said he refused to play in clubs where alcohol was sold or something like that.

Another thing about FB, he washed his dry clean only clothes in the washing machine: sports jackets, slacks, dress shirts, ties, everything. His shirts were so worn that the fold on the collars were tearing. I remember standing in his walk in closet on the phone with my girlfriend telling her how I was going to nominate him for What Not To Wear. He really needed it.

So, guess what I did? I went shopping for FB. I bought him new shirts, ties, and slacks. No sport jackets. I just took his tattered sport jackets and threw them away. They needed it.

After dating FB for about 2 and half months, I noticed that he really had no drive and no ambition what so ever. I initially thought he was in his situation because of his break up that was similar to my separation. Nope. He was happy and content with his situation. I was not. I knew I had to make a change.

The only thing that made me stay with FB for 3 months was the good Richard. His Richard was like crack. But I could do without that kind of Richard.

I eventually made the mistake of loaning him money $500. He only gave me a little over $250 back. Whenever I asked for my money, he would get mad at me and give me attitude like I owed him money or something.

Lesson Learned: Never loan a man money. Never date someone who has no aspirations or whose aspirations, dreams and goals are lower on the totem pole than your own.

See more progress on: Chronicle my crazy/interesting dating escapades since 2004

My Romantic Space Profile

” It takes a loose rein to keep a marriage tight. ”
John Stevenson

” Constant togetherness is fine—but only for Siamese twins. ”
Victoria Billings

” It is only when we no longer compulsively need someone that we can have a real relationship with them. ”
Anthony Storr

It was Richard Bach who said it best: “If you love someone, set them free.”

Although there are no solid rules that determine what makes a relationship work, many people will agree that communication, trust, and the willingness to give each other space are fundamentals. A lack of trust can not only keep two people from getting close, but will also create an atmosphere rife with tension, doubt and suspicion. Communication has long been touted as the cornerstone of all successful relationship; partners who talk together, stay together.

Similarly, the ability to give a partner space is important for nurturing growth, both in terms of your relationship with him/her and with yourself. As social animals, we all need to have some sort of connection with others of our kind. However, while putting too much space between you and a partner can leave him/her feeling unloved and alienated, too little can be really suffocating. Unfortunately, either extreme, albeit based on good intentions, can destroy a relationship.

The trick is to strike a balance – to spend some quality time with your partner enjoying mutual interests, and some with yourself and your own hobbies. There is no perfect ratio that applies to all relationships. Some people like constant attention, while others need a lot of personal space. The important thing is to talk about individual preferences early on. By establishing boundaries in the initial stages of a relationship, you can better accommodate each other’s needs and desires and, most importantly, prevent a lot of misunderstandings and hurt in the long-run.

Romantic space idex 41

According to your score, you seem to have struck a perfectly healthy balance between giving your partner space to live his/her own life and providing him/her with love and support. Different relationships have different standards when it comes to space, so of course you should pay attention to what you and your partner are most comfortable with. Overall, however, you appear to have a knack for healthy moderation. If both you and your significant other are content with this arrangement, then by all means, keep it up!

I KNEW I was good…

See more progress on: love and be loved

Repost from May 2006 - Flirting with Married Men

flirting with married men again....bad girl....

I did it Saturday night. I touched him on the dance floor, and I let him touch me back on the dance floor. He was all over me.

Now flirting with this married man on Saturday night was NOT my intention when I went out. My girlfriend called me early Saturday morning and said she needed a wing man for her date on Saturday night.

Well, her date said he would hook me up with one of his friends from years ago. His “friend” is 40, single, rich, never been married, no children, never even been in a long term relationship. Well, when men fit into that category, I always ask, “what’s wrong with him?” “Why doesn’t he have a woman?”

Believe you me, I found out on Saturday night what was wrong. He has NO personality!!!

I tried to have a conversation with him, but it was very dull. It was like pulling teeth from a chicken. So, there were other men there wanting to talk to me, and I obliged.

It just so happened that the one I clicked with happened to be married. We just talked, danced, and enjoyed each other’s company for the night.

He asked for my number, but I said NO. He asked why and I told him that I don’t do married men. He wanted to know why was I even spending time with him at that moment, and I told him because I know I probably won’t ever see him again. I was just enjoying the moment for what it was – A MOMENT. Something temporary.

When the night was over, (when the club kicked us out because it was 2am), we went to the toy store. I eyed some rabbits and bullets. I didn’t buy anything. I bet if I had played my cards right with that married man, I could have gotten a toy that night. But, I don’t take what’s NOT mine. So I didn’t. I went home, went to bed and I didn’t even masturbate. I was a very good girl.

Tags: flirt, flirting, fun, marriedmen, men, toys, dating Edit Tags

Tuesday May 16, 2006 - 12:00pm (EDT) Edit Delete Permanent Link 24 Comments

Mr. Wonderful

Mr. Wonderful has piqued my curiosity with his engaging personality.

Mr. Wonderful found my tickle bone.

7th Transfer from 360

Call & Respond

Mon 8/8/2005 11:27 AM
I’ve been very busy today, but you’re on my mind and in my heart.
KJ
Monday, August 08, 2005 11:36 AM
I thought you should know that you are my heart....
RG
Mon, 8 Aug 2005 14:28:19 -0400
Am I your heart or am I in your heart?
KJ
Monday, August 08, 2005 3:48 PM
You are...
RG
Mon, 8 Aug 2005 16:13:57 -0400
I am what? The question was am I "in your heart", or am I your heart?
KJ
Mon 8/8/2005 4:20 PM
you are my heart because you came from me, you are in my heart because as I slept you were being made for me from me, therefore you are both my heart and in my heart for you have return to the source in which the creator have made you from.
RG
Mon, 8 Aug 2005 16:28:54 -0400
Wow. There you go blowing my mind again. It feels good to return to where I belong (to you). I'm happy to be back with you.
KJ
Mon 8/8/2005 4:32 PM
Welcome home
RG

Wed 8/24/2005 4:51 PM
What happens to your heart when you allow yourself to become vulnerable to another person?
Do you sit back and keep a constant watchful eye on the situation and the other person?
Do you purposefully allow your heart to be vulnerable to another person, or does it just happen?
Who is in control of the “open heart” to “open heart” relationship?
What is the result of one heart shutting down on another heart?
When one heart shuts down on the other heart is the connection automatically broken?
If that connection is broken, how does the other heart feel?
Does it feel pain, loneliness, despair, emptiness, anguish, rejection?
When you allow yourself to become vulnerable to another person, you also face the possibility of having your heart warmed by that other person.
Is that where the term “warmhearted” comes from?
warmhearted adj : marked by warmth of feeling like kindness and sympathy and generosity; "gave a warmhearted welcome to the stranger"
v. warmed, warm·ing, warms
v. tr. To raise slightly in temperature; make warm: warmed the rolls a bit more; warm up the house.
To make zealous or ardent; enliven.
To fill with pleasant emotions: We were warmed by the sight of home.
If I allow my heart to be warmed by you, I’m actually allowing you to make my heart zealous, ardent, and enlivened.
You have the opportunity to fill my heart with pleasant emotions.
My heart then becomes passionate, dedicated and devoted to you.
Do I want to allow this? Or is it too late for such questions?
Can I stop a process already ordained by the Most High God?
You’ve already warmed my heart. Now what are you going to do?
Caress it?
Protect it?
Cover it?
Shield it?
Make it yours?
What are you going to do now?
Michelle Brown

Tags: relationships, dating, reallife Edit Tags

Friday December 30, 2005 - 11:18am (EST)

Top Ten Reasons Why I know I’m NOT relationship ready

1. Fear - I’m afraid of what getting seriously involved entails. Yes, it’s exciting and all, but I’m really afraid to make that move right now. Call me a chicken.



2. Trust – Thanks to my mom, I have trust issues with people. It’s very difficult for me to trust others, especially men. I would go into more detail about my relationship with Mommy Dearest and why and how she’s screwed me up in this area, but not now. Maybe in another blog. It’s just too painful to share with yall right now.



3. Vulnerability – Or should I say my inability to allow myself to be vulnerable with another person. I’ve been hurt so much in my marriage and by Mommy Dearest that I refuse to allow myself to share ME with anybody any time soon. I came to this realization last night as lay in bed crying because I felt like the people in my life who are suppose to care about me and for me were always throwing me bones. Bones are for dogs and I know I’m NOT a dog. Give me a fish. Fish are for eagles and I soar with the eagles.



4. High Expectations – I haven’t met a man yet who’s ready to meet all of my high expectations. Here’s a link to some examples of my expectations.



5. I’m a FLIRT – Yes. I’m a big time flirt. I flirt all the time. Sometimes I flirt and I don’t even realize it. Flirting comes natural to me. Any man who would want to be THE Man in my world would have to accept this and live with it. I’m not ready to give up who I really am for anybody. Not NOW or ever.



6. Selfish with my time – I like my me-time. I like it so much that I’ve declined dates with men who seemed fine just so that I can have my me-time to be alone with Keala.



7. Too Analytical – Sometimes I over analyze things. I think this trait would send any real man running to the hills. I don’t do it often, but I do it enough to get on my own nerves from time to time.



8. The 1 year plan – I haven’t completed the 1 year plan as outlined in Sumumba’s Book. Buy to book to find out about it. Sumumba, I actually read The One Year plan and it makes perfect sense to me. I’m working on it now. Not sure if it’ll take a year, but I’m working on it. I like the end of the book better than the beginning.



9. I’m in love with someone I can’t have – Yes it’s true. I am hopelessly, head over heels in love with Steve Harvey. Don’t laugh! Steve Harvey is my dream man. Don’t ask why. Just know that I belong to him and I’m going to see him tomorrow night at The Township thanks to my girl Christina. That’s her birthday gift to me. Now see that’s love.



10. I consult with myself before I consult with others – If I find myself in a jam or needing advice, I look inward first. I’m not about to turn to some man for advice before I have my own “come to Jesus” meeting with myself.