William Is Not Afraid To Cry

William is not afraid to cry...

This is a repost from another blog I wrote way back on October 13, 2006.  Note that William was eight years old then.  He's 13 now.  I'm just importing stuff that never got imported when I moved to blogger.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?’ Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won’t feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

~Maryanne Williamson

We watched Coach Carter last weekend.  Of course I cried, but unbeknownst to me, William cried too.  
William is my 8 year old child prodigy. 


Do you know that boy took that movie into his room and watched it over and over and over?  Then he paused it on this particular speech, wrote it down word for word and proceeded to MEMORIZE it!   


He recited the speech to me tonight and I almost cried again.  Yes, my baby did that.    


Guess what else, that was out of his own inspiration and no outside influences.  Man I love that little boy! 

Lifetime Drama Part III

Shortly after the threesome incident, we moved to Nebraska. During the entire two years there I was angry with God for allowing my husband to succumb to such sin. I felt that if I was a good wife and did what I was told and suppose to do, then every one around me would behave as well. I was so wrong. Lesson learned: It's not always about me. It's not all about me.

While in Nebraska, he asked me to take a polygraph regarding all the stuff from the past he was constantly hounding me about. The test would also include other questions he had that I knew nothing about. He promised that things would be better if I took the test. He promised to be nicer to me. He promised he'd be a better husband. Well I took the polygraph test and passed it. Things didn’t change. They got worse. After the test he told me he didn't believe in them. He spent $300 for something he claimed he didn't believe in. Lesson Learned: Never compromise who you really are to appease someone else's insecurities.

Shortly after the polygraph, he contacted an old girlfriend to apologize for taking her virginity and then marrying me. He kept the email relationship against my wishes. I begged him to stop emailing her. I warned him of the dangers of this type of relationship. He said this was something he had to do and if he had to choose he’d choose his “friendship” with this other woman over his marriage with me. It was then that I emotionally checked out of the relationship. Lesson Learned: It's not all about me. I have to love me more than I love you.

After I emotionally checked out I made plans to leave. He told me he would never divorce me unless I cheated on him. Well, I knew I could make that happen. I pursued a sexual affair with someone he warned me to stay away from just to get back at him and get my divorce. When I told him about my affair, he said he would never divorce me. That was so wrong. I deeply regret my decision to compromise my values. Lesson Learned: Always be true to you. Never let your fears rule your life.

When we moved back to South Carolina, Tony continued his online relationship with Nikkole. I began to seek more counseling at First Baptist Church to help me. This time it was better than the first time. I only saw the married adult minister a few times until I thought it was enough. Lesson Learned: Seek professional help, not laymen's help.