Thoughts of a Black Man

My cousin forwarded this email to my bff and me a few years ago.  I was cleaning out my inbox when I ran across this.  I just had to share it.

You know after seeing you today I just had to send this to you and my cousin. Be careful out there and know that I love ya!

Tim

----- Original Message -----

This statement is from a man on Black Voices.

 

 

Bottom line—if I sleep with a woman I don't know or care about SEX is NOT going to make me care.  (I stopped that years ago) That kind of sex is like scratching an itch.  Once a man scratches, he's through.  He ain't sitting around thinking about that spot that itched or how good it felt scratching it.  He's moving on with his life until that spot itches again and it don't matter which hand he scratches it with, just as long as he gets rid of the itch.

 

Too many women PRETEND they can handle a sexual fling, but wind up getting caught up and wanting us to romance and wine and dine them and pretend we're having a "relationship" when it's NOTHING but a booty call.  Come on, ladies, y'all know I'm telling the truth.

 

Unfortunately, ladies you are part of our problem.  You sleep with us BEFORE you know us or what we're about.  Having sex with a man does not automatically make that a "relationship".  Many women will deny they think like this but I'm speaking from personal experience.  Also, ladies know when their men are fooling around and still turn a blind eye by getting mad at the other woman.  Now, what kind of sense does that make?  Why should that woman make YOU (a total stranger) a priority in her life?  IF HE DID NOT MARRY YOU HE IS STILL SINGLE.  The "other woman" is not breaking up a "happy home".

 

Many women marry men who were cheating BEFORE they walked down the aisle and then are SHOCKED that a fancy wedding dress or an expensive walk down the aisle didn't change who he was.  Why should he change?  YOU let him know it was acceptable by sticking around that long.

 

Ladies, start living with your eyes OPEN.  Most shady men give themselves away one way or another, usually before the first 30 days.  Women have to stop "rewarding" unfaithful men by pretending it ain't happening.  All of us Black Men (BM) do not cheat.  I do not cheat on my lady so don't buy the hype.  I know other black men who do not but many men WILL cheat if there are NO real penalties for it.

 

Stop jumping into bed with brothers YOU DON'T KNOW.  That means fewer opportunities for men to cheat.  Women have to STOP being so afraid to ask the important questions that would reveal his TRUE lifestyle.  Worry less about what kind of job he has and what kind of car he drives and encourage him to talk about his past, particularly his past with women.  OPEN those ears and listen.  Does he put down his ex-women and blame them for everything?  And don't be so vain.  You are NOT a better woman than his last.  If he dogged her out, you will probably be NEXT.

 

Observe him when you are with him.  Do you have his home number?  Work number?  Have you seen where he lives?  Where he works?  Is he secretive?  Did you ask if he's married or engaged?  How does he treat other people?

 

Listen to what he says, NOT what you want to hear.  Stop INTERPRETING the meaning of what he says to fit your purposes.  If he says, "I'm not looking' for nothing right now" – DON'T tell yourself, "Aw, he just scared of getting hurt.  I can change his mind."  NO YOU CAN'T.  He said exactly what the hell he meant.  BM don't have to lie when so many BW are already DEAF.

 

If you can't answer BASIC questions about a man DON'T OPEN YOUR LEGS.  I could kinda understand back in the days when sex wouldn't KILL people but now?  There's no excuse and if a BW takes that huge risk of sleeping with a STRANGER then she better protect herself—sexually AND emotionally.

 

Show our @ss to the door if we pressure you for sex too soon.  Don't be afraid to be alone.  After you give our @ss some you will probably be alone anyway but now you feel like a fool.  In other words, take you time and check us out.  If we REALLY like you, we'll stick around.  BUT if you decided to sleep with a man you hardly know, PROTECT yourself and keep your expectations to ZERO.  We do not owe you a relationship or another date just because you had sex with us.  That's not how it works, baby.

 

I have TOO many female friends who give me horror stories that could have been avoided if they'd done their homework first OR moved SLOWER before giving up the panties.  I try as a BM to give them the best advice I can but that won't mean a doggone thing if BW continue to live in a dream world.

 

You are TOTALLY RESPONSIBLE for you own sexual behavior the same as I am.  Blaming the man won't change a damn thing.  BW have to look in the mirror and take SOME of the blame for what's wrong with BM/BW relationships.  Let me end by saying….

 

SEX DOES NOT = A RELATIONSHIP

 

GIVING A MAN READY-MADE FAMILY WILL NOT MAKE HIM COMMIT IF HE DOESN'T WANT TO

 

A MAN WILL NOT RESPECT A WOMAN WHO DOES NOT RESPECT HERSELF OR HER BODY

 

IF YOU TRADE SEX FOR MATERIAL THINGS YOU ARE PROSTITUTING YOURSELF

 

IF HE DOESN'T TAKE CARE OF HIS OTHER CHILDREN WHY WOULD YOU HAVE A BABY WITH HIM?

 

IF YOU REWARD A DOG WHY SHOULD MEN STOP BEING DOGS?

 

BRING MORE TO THE TABLE THAN YOUR BODY.  NO YOUR STUFF IS NOT MADE OF GOLD.  IT IS ONLY AS GOOD AS I THINK IT IS.  BELIEVE THAT.

How Much More Can I Take?

I'm so tired of the loss.  I really am.

My dad died March 16, 2009.
My best friend and cousin died April 3, 2010.
My sister died April 12, 2011!


Am I to expect someone close to me to die every year here after?  I am so sick of this assault on my family and the people I love.







Dear Lord,
Please don't take away any more of my family members in the next few years, including myself.  I'm tired of saying good bye to people I love so much.  I don't want to miss another family member and sit and reminisce about the times we shared.  I'm too tired for that.  Please give us more time together.

 

I was so blessed to have these beautiful people touch my life.  John Brown filled me with so much of his love that I couldn't feel a gaping hole in my heart when he left.  When he left me, he left so much of him inside of me I am so blessed to have had him in my life.  So blessed to have been his first born.  So blessed.

Timothy was my introduction to what little boys are made of.  Frogs and snails and puppy dog tails.  That's what little boys are made of.  We got into mischief at Grandma's together.  I'm not sure if he started the mischief or if I started it.  Whoever started it, we enjoyed the fun and punishment together.  We were very competitive too.  My Ace!  My main mayne MAN.  RIP Dude!

Kathy Gamble was The Beautiful One!  I believe when Prince wrote that song he had her in mind.  I was jealous of her because I thought she stole my mom from me.  Little did I know that Mom had enough love for both of us.  Kathy was such a fragile soul.  She was easy to love and easy to hate at the same time.  You never had to question where you stood with her because she always made it clear.  Love me some Kathy.  She was way too young to leave this place and way too young to suffer the way she suffered.  I pray she is at complete peace now.  She deserves to have love peace and Heaven.

Old School William

Happy Birthday to my middle son William Harrison Jacobs. Today he turns 13 years old. WOW! As soon as one leaves the teen years the next one enters the teen years.
William has been my guilty pleasure for years. He is charming, outgoing, loving, incredibly intelligent and an all out JOY to be around. When people meet William they automatically love him. You just have to meet him to know what I'm talking about.

To Those I love and Those Who Love Me

When I am gone, release me, and let me go

I have so many things to see and do.

You must not tie yourself to me with tears,

Be thankful for our beautiful years.

I gave to you my love.  You can only guess

How much you gave to me in happiness.

I thank you for the love you each have shown,

But for now it's time I traveled on alone.

So grieve a while for me, if you must,

Then let your grief be comforted by trust.

It's only for a time that we must part

So bless the memories within your heart.

I won't be far away, for life goes on

So if you need me, call, and I will come.

Though you can't see or touch me, I'll be near

And if you listen with your heart, you'll hear

All my love around you soft and clear.

And then, when you must come this way

Alone.

I'll greet you with a smile and say:

"WELCOME HOME"

~~Anonymous

They Say When It Rains It Pours

I say when it rains, those seeds you planted are getting the necessary water for growth so we can have a harvest in the coming season.  Can I get an amen on that one?

So, I call my blog My Life.  Lately my life seems to be encompassed with the lives of my loved ones.  Here’s the skinny:

§         Cynthia – If you’ve been following Cynthia’s story, you know she had her surgery on January 15, 2010.  I haven’t updated Cynthia’s blog with her praise report, but it’s coming.  Either Cynthia or I will update it.  In the meantime, GOD is not good, He is GREAT!  The doctors took the lump just in time.  They found that it was contained to that lump alone, non-invasive, and they got the pre-cancerous scar tissue!  They said it was a very strange case.  I say Cynthia is blessed.  Thanks to everyone who prayed for her, offered support, and donated.  God will bless all of you as well.

§         Closer to home -  On Sunday, January 17, 2010, my cousin Tim Williams had a stroke in church.  Tim is only 41 years old and has been very close to me all of my life.  We have a very special bond.  I’m choking up with tears as I type this.  I just love him so much and seeing him in that condition is hard for me at times.  His wife has been such a trooper.  He told me she’s a strong woman and she must be to be married to him.  Timothy has not been completely awake since, but he is making slow and sure progress.  Please pray for Tim and his family.

§         Even closer to home – On Wednesday, January 20, 2010, just a few days after Timothy was struck, my step-father was told he has a type of blood cancer.  I think it’s multiple myeloma, but I’m not sure yet.  Everything is too early to tell with him.  We will know for sure in a few days.  Again, continue to pray for my family and me.

§         We went to court today.  Today was the final hearing.  Thank God it’s over.  Now let’s see if we can behave ourselves now…  If you didn’t already know, the wasbund sued me for a reduction in child support.  That’s all Imma say about that…

§         Tomorrow is my dad’s birthday.  His first since he left us for a better place back in March 2009.  God bless my dad, my brother Tony, my brother JJ, and my sister Crystal and my other mother Carrie.  I know tomorrow may be a bit hard on them.  Keep them in your prayers as well.

In other news, I have been busy with work and this thing called my life.  TJ leaves to go to San Antonio TX for Air Force Basic Training on February 2, 2010.  I’m really going to miss him.  He has been great with helping his brothers with their homework and school work.  He’s been able to give them some good advice on how to deal with Mommy and when is a good time to give Mommy bad news.  As much as I am going to miss him, he needs this new venture right now more than anything.

Work has been a pleasant distraction.  Watching grown men daily prove themselves to each other can be quite comical.  That’s all Imma say on that point.

Good news is that I have my health and my wealth.  God-willing, I plan to keep both.

Today I am grateful for:

§         My best lawyer ever – Kelly Seabrook.  If you ever need an attorney, I highly recommend Kelly.

§         Cynthia’s health – I am so happy she is healed.

§         Kim Jackson-Archie and Angela Magazinee – They were both so helpful and hopeful when they heard about Cynthia.

§         My own personal health and wealth.

§         My 3 sons.

§         My beautiful mother Brenda.

§         All who read this and continue to pray for my family.

§         Every time I post to my blog, I’m recording my own personal history and I love it.

~~Namaste